The Three Stupid Musketeers
by ZonkoDeame
Summary: This is how Link, Roy, and Marth, 3 musketeers meet. This will just be a stupid random fanfic on how these professional swordsmen really act! Mwhahahahahaha! cough gack cough mwahahahaha. Rated K for mild violence censored language and random stupidity. A
1. Default Chapter

The Three Stupid Musketeers

**Narrator 1: OMG this is our first fanfic im soooo freakin excited! yayyyy!**

**Narrator 2: ...I like chicken.**

**Narrator 1: Er...anywayz...this is just gonna be our humorous fanfic with mainly Roy, Marth, and Link! This is based our experiences playing the game. So, are you ready?**

**Narrator 2: Marth's personality and actions are based on the way i play as marth, and roy is based on how narrator 1 plays as him on the game, and link...is just there...ya... \**

**Narrator 1: yeah, I suck at the game, soooo...there! I said it! (cries and wails)**

**Narrator 2: Muhahahahahha! my plan to shame you has worked! muhahahahahacough cough and i rock at the game )**

**Piggy: Lets just get with the fanfic! Cluck cluck**

**Unison (Narrator 1 and 2): What the heck? Piggy's go moo!**

**Piggy: YAHHHH!**

_...(sounds of crashes and Piggy screaming)_

It was a very hot day. Ya, I am sweating right now like Piggy. Ewwwwww, no I am not! Anyways, it was a hot day, and the atmosphere was very intense as the Super Smash Bros. Melee stars gathered together for a 64 match tournament. Because of our greatness...er...Narrator 2's brother's greatness all of the unlockable characters were there as well and ready to play.

The Master Hand (you know, that gigantic annoying white gloved hand that swats at you and stuff and never seems to get his glove dirty) was randomly putting the characters together for the tournament. Little did he know, he...wait...is it a he or a she? I'm so confused! Aughhh! cough cough yeah, anyways **_it_** didnt know, it was making a huge mistake!

"First up, Jigglypuff vs. Ganandorf! (Muhahahha, I am so evil, making a puff ball go against a hulk like him muhahahaha)" boomed the Master Hand. "The match shall take place at...wait for it...wait for it..."

_2 hours later..._

"Wait for it...I got it! The level that is flat and purple and stuff...(Narrator 1: isn't that Final Destination?) Shut it! I mean the level that is flat and purple and stuff! Harrumph!**...3...2...1...GO!**"

Instantly, Jigglypuff dashes toward Ganandorf, hoping to take him by suprise. It brings its tiny hand back, momentarily powering it up for a slap attack, and unleashes the attack with power impressive for such a puff ball, but...**POW! ** "**JIGGILY!**" poor Jigglypuff cries as Ganandorf simply taps it with his knuckles. (The audience is silent in confusion, wondering where the puff ball went, when it came crashing down on them!)

(We all know how this is gonna end...so lets just skip to the end of this match!)

"The winner is...Jigglypuff!" Bet you weren't expecting that huh? We're the authors/narrators/things! We can make it happen! On a side note, Jigglypuff won 18 to 1.

"Next up...Zelda vs. Bowser! Place your bets everyone(I bet they are all on Zelda after what happened in the last match)...**3...2...1...GO!**"

"WAIT THE LEVEL?WHAT'S THE LEVEL!" A random person shouts. "Aughhhh!" (His head explodes while the audience gets splattered with his guts...but no brain...he never had one...yes sniff sniff and they shall never find out what the level was...poor little random person.)

"Ummmmm...I seriously wasn't expecting that...umm...well...ya, on with the tounament! Wait! The level will be the battlefield again...ya..."

Narrator 2: Wait...the last match was on Final Destination!

"That is what I meant! Shut it!"

Zelda, knowing that speed is key in this match, quickly transforms into Sheik. Bowser simply growls and lunges at her, tackling her and halting her transformation. Furious, Zelda grabs Bowser(as best as she can) using her magic and hurls him(as best as she can) about...2 centimeters. Bowser is not bothered in anyway; rather he does not even notice it. Grabbing her, he easily chucks her across the arena and over the edge.

(Narrator 1: Hold it! We all know Zelda's gonna win so lets get on with it will ya? I'm starting to run out of voice because I'm snoring so loud! And that didn't even make any sense! All well. Don't flame me! Please! cries in desperation)

Narrator 2:...actually, it says here that Bowser wins.

"Well...that was a quick match! Bowser wins 2 to 1. Sorry fellas, you lost your bets!" Master Hand bellows (yeah, Master hand was speaking through all this, srry we're crappy writers).

Narrator 1: Er...yeah I knew Bowser would defeat Zelda. She sucks anyways. (Suddenly Zelda jumps on Narrator 1 randomly and starts attacking it.) Aughhhh! Get this pointy eared person off of me!

Narrator 2: ...stupid.

"Next is Roy vs. Marth. Everybody cheer cuz the story is finally gonna start! yay..." Master Hand cried while jumping up and down...don't ask me how this glove can jump...but it just did all right! So yeah.

"Haha...this is gonna be simple! Marth is weak! So what if he's fast? I'm stronger! Yey me!" Roy squealed and embraced his sword as he skips...er..i mean marches triumphantly into the level which is...um...Fountain of Dreams! (Narrator 2: Which is Narrator 1's only favorite level. Not to mention the nice music playing!)

Marth walks in silently, his aqua hair glimmering in the faint light and his sword long and...cool like. He quietly looks Roy up and down, making no comment on Roy's squeals and skipping.

With Roy's fiery red hair glowing in the stage light as well, except more better looking, the obnoxious teen takes his fighting stance, which is sleep silently until Master Hand said "**...GO!**"

Roy starts with suprise, and manages to roll out of the way as Marth's slender sword slashed at him. He tried to pull out his sword, but pulled it out so quickly, it slipped out of his grasp and hit Marth in the face.

"Aaaahhhh, you idiot, don't you know how to handle your sword?" Marth yells, clutching a bloody nose, and secretly hoping his tiara thingy was not damaged.

Not even noticing Roy causually laughs in victory. "Now you shall-wait, what happened to my sword!" He cried in panic as he looked for his sword as fast as he could while Marth was attempting to recover. He looks up at the sparkling sky. "Nope, not there." He said. Marth grabs Roy's sword and hurls it at him. The flash of the light on the blade catches Roy's eye, and he look over at the sword speeding point first at him. "Hey, there it is-Aaaaahhhhhh!" Roy is sent flying as his sword crashed into him, causing massive damage.

Roy, however, somehow gets a hold on the sword and the ledge of the level. Quickly, he pulled himself up and-

"Aahhhhhh! Brain-freeze!" Roy screams as right when Marth is about to strike his biggest and strongest attack but is stopped as Roy goes madly insane.

"Er..."Marth commented as Roy was screaming at the top of his lungs. He stands still, sword still upraised and brimming wtih power, wondering how anyone could get a brain-freeze. He stood still for as long as he could. He wanted a fair fight, and this...this...this was just... just... insanity! Suddenly as fast as it came, Roy sent himself tumbling off the stage, leaving the whole audience with blank faces...and stuff.

_2 seconds later._

**MARTH MARTH MARTH MARTH MARTH! HE'S OUR HERO! YEY MARTH! YEY! HE SENT SHOCKWAVES OF BRAIN FREEZES TO THE IDIOT BOY'S HEAD MAKING HIM SUICIDE! WHAT A BRAVE GUY! HE'S AWESOME! HE HAS SPECIAL...BRAINFREEZ POWERS! YEY! GO MARTH!**

Marth...was...well dumbfounded, as much as Narrator 2 at the stupidity of this story so far. I mean come on, a random person's head blew up for no apparent reason, and Roy gets a brain-freeze! Wait...where was Narrator 1?

_We find Narrator 1 in a underground shrine with Roy's pic on the wall, black candles lit everywhere, and a plastic tomb right below Roy's hot picture. _Don't ask us how there was an underground shrine or whatever that was down there! We just know cool stuff...ahem...so what now? HUH? HUH?

Narrator 1: WHY ROY WHY! WHY DID YOU GET THAT RANDOM BRAINFREEZE! WHYYYY! _(we censor out the rest of her rants)_

AUGH MOTHER-_(CENSOR! CENSOR! WHERE IS THE CENSOR!)_

Narrator 2:...I have not comment whatsoever on what we all just witnessed... \

_Meanwhile back at the stage..._

"Roy has only 1 life left, and Marth 10! Can Roy stick it out and come out on-ooooo, that had to hurt..." (Roy comes crashing into the screen) "Well, that ends that match! Marth wins!" The Master Hand annouces. It turns and continues to randomly set up matches.

_Meanwhile, at the Super Smash Bros. Hospital set up by Dr. Mario himself..._

"Oh he is in good shape, I have seen worse!" Dr. Mario says reassuringly to no one in particular, just talking to himsef to make him feel like a real doctor. Roy on the other hand was stuck in a full body cast, suffering from a broken rib, leg, arm, black-eye, major brain-freeze(?) nurmerous cuts, and some blood loss.

Narrator 1: Seen worse! Why I oughta...

_(censored)_

Narrator 2: sigh...

_A few days later..._

"So, let me get this straight. Falco was shot in the foot by Samus, and you gave him CPR?" asks Zelda as she walks in with Dr. Mario, wondering if he was a certified doctor.

"I sure did! You know, it actually worked like a charm!" Exclaimed Dr. Mario, quickly drawing the curtains close around Falco's bed. "You know Fox, who was also shot by Samus in the head? All I had to do was give him a nice massage and he was battle worthy within minutes!" He also quickly draws the curtains close around Fox's bed too.

"Ummmm...well how is that one red-haried boy doing? I heard he was new." Zelda looks anxiously at Roy, who has been unconscious since his batt-...er encounter with Marth.

"He is doing fine!" Dr. Mario said, hoping to get rid of Zelda soon before she got too inquisitive.

"No he is not, you idiot," Zelda said. Walking to Roy's bedside, she muttered a few words, and there were popping noises inside Roy's body cast as his bones quickly mended together again by Zelda's magic. She muttered a few more words, and the cast broke apart and fell off.

He was healed. Just then, Dr. Mario walks by Zelda and gave a her a goofy idiotic grin. "See? I told you he was alright!" Zelda merely just walked away rolling her eyes as she slammed the hospital door shut.

Narrator 1: Huh, I always knew Dr. Mario was an...(flashback of Zelda attack!) a great doctor! Good job! Keep up the good work. _(Mumbles in anger.)_

_CENSOR TIME!_

Narrator 2:...That was some colorful language there!

Roy woke up a few hours later, his eyes groggy, and his stomach...uh oh...

He was hungry. You know what that mea-

SNORRRRREEEEEE

What the-

Narrator 2: I think he fell asleep.

Narrator 1: Again! He just woke up.

Narrator 2: You bored him to sleep! You idiot!

Narrator 1: (Wails and hides under a couch that randomly pops up)

_Meanwhile..._

The tournament was back on the next day after everyone was healed of their wounds scrapes scraps and boo-boos. The remainder people who made it into the semi-finals which included of course our psychic brainfreezer Marth vs. Luigi-

Marth: What?

Narrator 2: Quiet you!

Marth: grumble grumble.

Back to the story, Marth vs. Luigi, Ness vs. Iceclimbers and our masterful swordsman Link vs. Young Link!

Who will be the champion? Who will meet who? When will Roy stop snoring!And how come this is called the Three Stupid Musketeers! When will the questions end!

Narrator 2: Right now, I have to go home.

Narrator 1: What! Aw you suck. Fine then, I'll finish up.

Narrator 2: But we're done with this chapter.

Narrator 1: _(BIG CENSOR)_

**Narrators: Alrighty then, we hope you liked this chapter! Keep on looking for updates because we shall be updating on this story soon because we are not done yet! Not even a quarter of the way. Erm...yeah, well have fun hoping on what's gonna happen next!**


	2. The Chicken and The Cow

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 2: "The Chicken and the Cow"

**Narrator 1: The second chapter is finally up! Yey! Well...it was only 2 days...ya...**

**Narrator 2: God it takes me forever to type in one line, I keep making mistakes! If I didn't use the back button at all, you wouldn't be able to read anything I type! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Narrator 1: ...Okay then. On with the show!**

**Piggy: What show? This is a stupid fanfic! You guys are amatuers!**

**Narrator 2: ...Hey Narrator 1, how do you feel about bacon for dinner tonight?**

**Narrator 1: Actually, I'm not that much of a meat eater but thanks anyways.**

**Piggy and Narrator 2: (Slaps forehead and sighs deeply)...You idiot.**

The tournament was beginning in fifteen minutes, giving our heroes extra time to prepare to fight!

Marth was using Ultra Shampoo to make his hair extra shiny, Luigi was making spaghetti, Ness was using the toilet, while the Iceclimbers were preparing to give the poor boy a swirly/flushie/put head in toilet and flush it down/thing. But mostly, a swirly. Link and Young Link were playing their ocarinas horribly, making half the audience leave for a break until the tournament started.

"Wow, Link and Young Link don't have to fight to win, just let them play their ocarinas, and it'll send their opponents flying through the air, or causing them to suicide," a fellow audience member whispers to his friend.

Zzzzzzzthunk!

"AAAHHHHHH!"

A hail of fire and ice arrows came raining down on the stupid fellow audience member and his unfortnate friend just seconds later. Then they died listening to Link and Young Link play their ocarinas horribly. What a horrible way to die...

"Damn it." Said the spirit of the random person who died from ice and fire arrows.

Narrator 1: (LANGUAGE LANGUAGE! WHAT HAPPEN TO THE CENSOR! AUGH YOU-)

_Censor finally comes on._

Narrator 2: ...can we move on now? Master Hand, start the tournament already!

"Wait!" Marth cried out. "I need to blowdry my hair first!" Suddenly, the rest of the semi finalists quirked their eyebrows and turned to Marth, eyeing him suspiciously.

Narrator 1: Com'on people! We're on a strict time limit here! Let's chop chop and hurry it up ok? My dinner doesn't cook itself ya know!

Narrator 2: ...What does this have to do with your dinner...

CHOP! CHOP!

Roy comes bounding down and swings his sword wildy around as Narrator 1 is saying "chop chop".

Narrator 1 and 2: What the heck? Where'd he come from!

"CHOP CHOP!" Roy exclaimed...then he stopped abruptly. "You said chop chop...wait, what's my line again?"

Narrator 1: You idiot you're not supposed to come out until after the tournament! You're supposed to be sleeping! And you don't even have script!

"Oh..." Roy turns away, painfully rejected, and quickly runs to a dark corner and starts crying and snoring at the same time.

Narrator 1: Oh great, can we get some warm milk on the set? Roy's having a nervous breakdown again! Can someone hurry it up!

Narrator 2: He's not having a nervous breakdown, you just hurt his feelings.

Narrator 1: Bu-

"Can we please get on with the tournament?" Master Hand wrings his hand impatiently.

Narrator 2: Go on, continue.

"Alrighty then, Marth and Luigi, you are up first! Hurry up on over to the stage...Poke Floats! And to make the match more exciting, we shall add Bob-bombs to the stage! Muhahahahahahaa!"

**"3...2..."**

Marth fixes his hair quickly, then takes his stance while Luigi finishes up his spaghetti.

**"1...GO!"**

Almost instantly when the fighters are dropped onto the stage Luigi gets hit by a Bob-bomb.

**BOOOOOOM!  
**

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Luigi is instantly KO'd by the explosive walking black bomb.

Marth landed on the Poke Float, only to quickly jump up again as another Bob-bomb comes bouncing down towards him, missing his feet by centimeters. Drawing his sword he continues to bounce around on the Float, avoiding the falling Bob-bombs, waiting for Luigi to respawn. Seeing the glowing platform rapidly descending with Luigi, Marth begins to charge up his strongest attack. Knowing that he is invincible for a few seconds after respawning, Luigi dives off the platform straight at Marth, his fist balled up into clubs. Unable to cancel out of his strongest attack, Marth tries to release it quickly and jump away, but is karate-chopped off the float by Luigi before he could get away. Luigi stayed close, closing in for the kill...when-

**BOOOOOOOOOM!**

Another lit Bob-bomb bounces off Luigi's head, KO'ing him again. However, Marth, in attempt to defend himself, had struck out with his sword, and his sword struck another Bob-bomb that appeared in front of him. The battle continues in this fashion, the fighters getting blown up by the Bob-bombs and generally not landing a single blow on each other.

**"SUDDEN DEATH!" ** Master Hand booms.

"Ah great," Marth says, utterly asahamed of his stupidity to walk into 3 bombs in 2 minutes, with Luigi doing the same. Their percentage was raised to 300, and Luigi cried his war cry ("meow") and charged with an incredible force of 2 centimeters per minute while, Marth stood there, preparing to counter. Right when Luigi was about to strike some 20 minutes later, Marth simply slashes him with his sword, sending Luigi hurtling through the air and crashing into the screen. The battle was over.

**"And the winner is...Marth!" **Master hand announced over his...intercom thingy thing thing. Everyone clapped and cheered and threw roses and phone numbers, and autograph books and cows and chickens, and underwear to show their appreciation toward the incredible swordsman.

"Um...thank you?" Marth stammers as he hurriedly gets off the stage, barely avoiding a large cow being chucked at him.

"MOOOOOO!" The poor cow cries as it hit Luigi who was just coming off from the stage, sending him off the stage and crashing into the real screen this time. Yey!

...Then everyone started cheering and clapping and throwing roses and phone numbers and horses and blah blah blah at the cow this time.

"...moo?"

_Meanwhile..._

"It's alright lil' bro, you'll get me next time." Link said patting Young Link on the back, who was still disappointed he lost to his future self again. Then he suddenly was enraged.

"I'm not your 'lil' bro'!" He yelled, throwing a random chicken at Link (probably got it from the last scene) "I'm your past self!" And without another word, he walked away cursing as little boys do when they didn't get something they wanted.

Narrator 1: Huh, I still do that...

"Mmmmmm, chicken," Link says as he happily bites a chunk out of the poor chicken.

"Er...hey, that chicken's still alive." A voice came from behind him.

"Gosh dang it Zelda, I was just about to roast it!" He argued at the voice, who he apparently thought it sounded like a woman's voice but it was actually a man's voice. Suddenly a fire popped out of nowhere along with a frying pan and some boiling water in order for Link to cook his chicken.

"Zelda? Who's she?" The voice asked Link who was singing as he cooked his beloved chicken, which was still alive. Poor thing.

Turning around, he saw a tall young man, with a long sword and the most perfect blue aquaish hair he has ever seen in his life.

Narrator 2: OMG, you made him gay!

Narrator 1: Shut it!

"Hey, I'm not gay!" Link cried out.

Narrator 1: Go back to roasting your chicken skirt boy!

"It's a tunic, not a skirt!" Link yelled.

Narrator 1: Sure it is...

"Why you-"

"PIGGY!" Out of nowhere Roy comes running in stealing Link's half alive half roasted chicken and running off with it.

Narrator 1 and 2: ...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CHICKEN! MY CHICKEN!" Link takes off after Roy.

"Hey...that chicken smells good, I WANT SOME!" Marth, who was the tall young man with the perfect hair if you didn't guess by now (stupids), followed Link closely as well.

_Rumble..._

Narrator 2: Looks like the other fighters heard as well...

Everyone who fought in the tournament and lost came thundering down and after the 3 figures far ahead, one of them holding the poor chicken.

Narrator 1: Alright this is getting old, rewind this scene rewind it! It has a few glitches.

_Rewinding...rewinding...rewinding..._

"MOOOOOOO"

"AUGHHH!"

Narrator 1: NO! Not that much!

_Fastforward...fastforward..._

"Hey Marth, where'd you find that kind of hairgel in the town market yesterday?" Peach asked him nicely as-

Narrator 1: Too forward too forward!

Narrator 2: (Sighs deeply)

_Rewinding...rewinding..._

Narrator 1: Right there stop! Now, go to where Roy is.

Roy comes charging out of the hospital, smelling the good smell of chicken. "Mmmmm...chicken! ME WANT CHICKEN!"

Narrator 1: (Grabs a muzzle and some rope)

"Chicken! PIGGY!" Roy yelled as he saw Marth and a weird elf in a skirt cooking some chicken.

Narrator 1: Wait! Pause it! Right there! Yeah! Good. (Goes down to the story grabs Roy, takes him back to the hospital, shuts him up with the muzzle, and straps him down to the bed with the rope.) Phew, okay, on with it!

"Oh, hi...who are you?" Link asked peering at the guy with the perfect hair/Marth who was eyeing Link weirdly after seeing the elf bite into the live chicken.

"The name's Marth." Marth answered, still keeping his distance.

"Oh, hi there Marth." Link replied nicely. "Care for some chicken? Still fresh."

"I can see." Marth stammered taking a step back. "But no thanks."

"Ah, your loss." Link said. while he was fighting with the chicken, trying to push it into the boiling pot. "Well, if you don't mind I have to finish this up, since Ness the little boy and the Iceclimbers were disqualified for misconduct in the bathroom and for generally tearing it down, I have to go fight some cocky pretty boy who suprsingly looks like you and who defeated Luigi."

"Oh really?" Marth said shakily, adjusting his cape. "Wow, what a loser."

"Yeah so I have to eat this here chicken first, and then defeat the nicompoop." Link answered a death glare gliding towards the chicken as it clucks in fear. "So I shall talk to you-"

"PIGGY!"

Narrator 1: NOOOOOOO! Not again!

Narrator 2: (Cracks up and points at Roy who is still strapped to the bed and the muzzle loose around his neck. Roy is hopping along but trips and roll down the hill and crashes into Link and Marth and the chicken and sends everyone flying)

Narrator 1: MY BEAUTIFUL FANFIC! RUINED! RUINED I SAY RUINED!

_(CENSORS THE REST)_

**Narrator 2: ...Well this is the end of chapter 2. I had to stop it before it got really crazy (man that escalated fast). We will update with chapter 3 when Narrator 1 is out of the cussing rehab. So...ya.**


	3. Unity of the Hair, Skirt, and Idiot

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 3: "Unity of the Hair, the Skirt, and the Idiot"

**Narrator 1: Ahhhhh, that rehab was quite refreshing! I feel like a brand new person!**

**Narrator 2: What do you mean refreshing? You burned the place down!**

**Narrator 1: ...Well, I was gonna get to that! Those stupid nuns deserved to go to hell.**

**Narrator 2: ...Why didn't you say that the first time? When I asked you the first time, you said you were cold and needed the fire!  
**

**Narrator 1: I was cold! The nuns wanted me to burn it I say! WANTED! WANTED! WANTED!**

**Narrator 2: ...I am so confused...**

**Piggy: Man, this is gonna take a while...so...I shall start the fic!**

In our last chapter, Roy tripped and sent everyone flying, and boy they flew high! They crashed through the windows of a nearby hospital and landed neatly on their own beds, and like everything else, Dr. Mario appeared out of nowhere.

"Well hello there, why are you here? The match didnt even start yet!" Dr. Mario said cheerfully as he strolled past their beds, noting their bumps and bruises and boo boos and stuff. "Hey, where is Roy?"

Well, while everyone else had landed safely in a bed, Roy had crashed smack into the wall and fell down in the Super Smash Mansion dumpster... having the intoxicated smell overwhelm him to a sense of...

Piggy: Ahhh, lemme think...Ahhh, writer's block! AAAAHHHHHH!(Piggy's head explodes here)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_6 hours later.._

Narrator 2: (covered in bumps and bruises and boo boos and stuff) Ok...lets start on our fanfic...

Narrator 1: (Having a sense of pride) Okay, let's get start- WHOA! HEY WHAT THE-

Narrator 2: What?

Narrator 1: Roy is swimming around in dumpster poo? Who wrote this? I demand the little &#$ to tell me who wrote this!

Narrator 2: ...Hey! I thought I told you not to kill Piggy in this chapter without me!

Narrator 1: I told you we were gonna kill him in the next chapter remember? And whaddya mean kill? Is the porker dead or something?

Narrator 2: You don't know? For crying out loud, you are standing on him and eating his head!

Narrator 1: munch munch munch Huh? Oh! Whoops, I thought that was the leftover ham I stored in the fridge...hmm...

Narrator 2: But you found it on the ground! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"How long are we gonna have to stay in these stupid itchy beds?" Marth complained to the Narrators. The bed was so...itchy! "I have a battle to fight with the elf boy in like 10 minutes! I still need to fix my hair! Arghhhhh!"

Roy scoffed as well. "Yeah! And I need to take a shower- oh hey! Is that a banana!" He dives down in the depth of the dumpster poo and retrieves the rotten brownish banana. He gobbles it down in one bite. "MMMMMMMMM banana!"

"Okay, now that was just sick." Said Marth, as he combed his hair off the set.

Narrator 1: Hey you! Get back in bed! You're still hurt remember!

"Shut-up! My hair's gonna get all dry!" Marth retorted.

Narrator 2:(sneaks up behind Narrator 1 and knocks it out) I shall continue the story from here! To speed up the story a bit, we shall just grab Marth and Link and toss 'em in the match now!

"What's the level, what's the level?" Another random person (not related to the other one from the previous chapter) shouted.

Narrator 1: (interrupting the random person's tirade) Hey! We got...**ICE CREAM!**

Narrator 2: Hey! I thought you were...ice cream? ICE CREAM ROCKS! WHAT FLAVORS?

Narrator 1: Let's see...we got chocolate chip, and strawberry!

Narrator 2: You dont have tuna with sweetcorn on a baked potato with butter flavor!

"Mmmmmm...baked potato." Roy said smiling to himself...

"I want strawberry!" Marth exclaimed.

"I want chocolate chip!" Link shouted as well.

Narrator 1" Nope, sorry we're all out of the sweetcorn tunaish baked potato flavor. Sorry. Hmmmm...I coulda sworn there was still some of that flavor left! Where did it go?

Roy wails in utter despair! "WAHHHHHHH NO BAKED POTATO!"

Narrator 2: I can't believe you don't have...HEY! I DON'T SEE ANY ICE CREAM!

(Here we see the random person in the corner munching on something that suspiciously looked like the tuna with sweetcorn on baked potato with butter ice cream.)

Narrator 2: HEY! IS THAT MY ICE CREAM?

"Ummmm...no?" the random person stammered, quickly eating the rest of the ice cream in the box.

(On the box, we see a big sign that reads: **NARRATOR 2 AND ROY'S ICE CREAM**)

"...What the- ummm, you all didn't see tha-" the random person begins, but is cut off as a giant hand reaches in and gives him an atomic flick, sending him flying away and stuff.

Narrator 2: **YOU-**

_Censored! I swear, this is not rated K!_

Marth, Link, and Narrator 1 eat their ice cream and watch as the random person is being verbally abusedby Roy and Narrator 2.

Narrator 1: We should've rated this M...

"For the language?" Marth asked. "I coulda figured."

"I know, we can't say one &# cussword in this fic!" Link said outraged as he saw his words get bleeped out. "See what I mean!"

Marth and Narrator 1 in unison: "Word"

"Marth and Link! Stop eating your ice cream like piggies and stuff, you have to fight each other now!" Master Hand appears out of nowhere (like most of the things in this fanfic will) and grabs them and teleports them to that one Brinstar level with the rolling rock platfrom and gigantic incredibly obese dragon thingy.

Narrator 1: That is very informative...

As they approached eachother menacingly, Link noticed something. "Hey..." He began. "Don't you look familiar?"

Marth started to sweat. "Er...I've never seen you before in my life!" Marth said untruthfully afraid he migh get maimed by this raw chicken eater!

Link shrugged and went back to his battle stance. "Oh, well you reminded of this guy name Marth I met-

Narrator 1: Ahhhhh! My gum! (Falls out of mouth and onto the floor.) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Narrator 2: Maybe you shouldn't chew like a cow anymore-

"Please!" Marth cried out desperately. "Can we please continue?"

Narrator 2: Erm...yes. Carry on.

"Anyways...you reminded me of this guy Marth I met down at the kitchen in the Super Smash Bros. Mansion while I was delightfully cooking my chicken, until it was stolen by this psychotic redhead name Roy.

_Somewhere in the dumpster..._

"CHICKEN? WHO SAID MY NAME!"

_Back to the level..._

Marth started to tremble profoundly..._Uh oh..._

"MARTH! LINK! GET READY! **3...**

Suddenly Link gasped. "Hey...you are Marth!"

Narrator 1: No duh skirt boy!

"Shut up!" Link cried to the voice in his head!

"Um...no I'm not!" Marth stuttered.

**2...**

"Wait," Link said confused. "Then what's that?" He pointed up at Marth's head.

_(Marth's tiara labled in big bold letters: **Property of Marth** )_

_"_Um..." Marth couldn't really talk at the moment.

**1...**

Finally! Since Link figured out that this "pretty boy" was Marth and his enemy right now, Link took his stance. "Prepare to get smothered by my skirt wearing chicken eating skillness..."

(_Off the set:_ _"Why did you make me say that!" Link shouted)_

Narrator 1: Because it's me and Narrator 2's fic! Not yours! So there! Mwahahahahahahaha coughgackcough hahahahahahahha!

"Huh?" Marth asked him as Link glared at him. "Skirt chicken eating skillness? I don't get-"

**GO!**

Narrator 2: Took ya long enough!

Narrator 1: Exactly.

Narrator 2: You were the one writing this part!

Narrator 1: Exactly! Wait...er...whoops.

Narrator 2: (sighs) anyways...

**GO!**

Link stops, confused, quite sure that the Master Hand said go already...Which gave Marth enough time to quickly give his hair some finishing touches then dart forward, whipping out his sword, and charged at Link with the point leveled at his heart.

**Clang!**

Metal crashed upon metal as Link managed to get his shield between him and the point of Marth's slender sword. For those of you disappointed and wanted to see Marth spear Link, remember Link is the Hero of Time! Of course he has super-fast reflexes!

(Here, Marth kicks out rather slowly and catches Link in the shin)

...Nevermind about him having super-fast relexes! He was just lucky! Link hops around, cursing and holding his shin, while Marth massages his hand, which was aching from the shock-waves that traveled through his blade and into his hand when his sword struck Link's shield. There is a brief pause in the battle as the stupid heroes try to recover from their boo boos...Omg, I mean come on! They suffered and recovered from much worse, and now they are crying!

Link and Marth in unison: "WAAAAAAAAAHHH! MY LEG/HAND HURTS!"

Narrator 1: Stupid babies...

Link immediately stops crying, gets up, and points his sword at Narrator 1. "**I AM NOT A **SNIFF** BABY! **SNIFF SNORT SOB" Marth is still crying and cradling his hand through all of this.

Narrator 1: Oh yea? Then prove it! Defeat Marth!

Link narrows his eyes as he considered the following choices:

A) Defeat Marth and prove he is not a baby.

B) Attack Narrator 1.

C) Eat another chicken.

D) Start crying again.

E) Join Roy in the dumpster poo.

"...Oh man, this is so hard! So many choices! All of them so tempting!" Link wailed. Here, Marth stops crying, then starts crying again, this time out of laughing so hard at the idiotic elf.

Narrator 2: Let me help you out here...hmm...why don't you choose choice B?

Narrator 1: Pish Posh! Link! Choose choice E!

Roy: "Lalalalalala...bananas! Stinky feet! Yey! Chicken and Piggies! Unite!" _( some dumpster poo squirts out of his nose)_

"Um...I think I'll choose choice A."

Narrator 1: Hmph, fine, suit yourself

Narrator 2: Ah darn! Back to writing the action scenes...I did that for the last 2 chapters you know.

Link spins around to find Marth still on the ground, laughing at him. Extremely offended and all that emotional stuff, Link charges at Marth, his Master Sword leveled at Marth's head.

"BWAHAHAHAHA- hm?" Marth stops and looks up at Link.

"ARRRRRGHHH! YOU SHALL PAY!" Link roars. At that moment, a rather strong breeze whips up Link's-

**"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! AHHHHHH MY EYES!" **Marth's eyes begin to smoke and burn and stuff and he quickly rolls away, just as Link's sword pierced the ground where his head had been a second ago. Suddenly, Mr. Saturn (an item in the game if you don't know, stupids) pops up out of nowhere, and, unable to avoid it, Link trips over it and begins rolling with Marth down and over the edge of the platform. Then the battle goes on and on and on...

_2 seconds later..._

"And the winner is...Marth AND Link! Good gravy, it's a tie!" Master Hand thunders, eating a bowl of good gravy, which was showing him a pitcure of a tie.

"No winner? NO WINNER? **AAAHHHHHHHHH!**" the random person pops up again and begins to yell. Then like the last one, his head explodes and everyone gets showered with guts but no brain and stuff and ya.

"Now, shake hands for a good match." Master Hand hollers down at them while trying to make the bowl of gravy show him something else.

"Aw man!" Marth said in disappointment. "I should have won..."

Link sniffled a little bit more. "Yeah, me too."

Marth then stopped and turned to face the elf. "You should've won! That meant that I wouldn't have won!"

Link scoffed and strolled along back into the mansion. "I know."

Following the skirt/tunic wearing young man Marth continued to argue. "So you think you're better than me huh?" Marth asked him, a deep anger rising inside him.

Link started to sneer. "Think? I **_know_** I'm better than you!"

Marth instantly grabbed his sword and pointed it at Link. "You wish!" Link then grabbed his sword as well and pointed it straight at Marth. "Let's finish this. "Marth said evily.

"With pleasure!" Link cried. Right when he was about to attack Marth as the other planned on countering...SUDDENLY...

"PIGGY!" A voice cried in the air.

As Marth and Link looked up, a familiar redhead landed on top of them! Suddenly, the three idiots black out.

_2 hours later..._

"Uh... my head." Marth groaned as he opened his eyes slowly, trying to recapture the last image he saw before he blacked out

_"PIGGY!"_

"Ah!" He snaps out of it, unable to continue that horrific scene with a phsychotic! Suddenly looking around him, it appeared that two other people were lying on top of him. "Get off me!" He snapped at the two unconcious people and shoved their bodies off him as he got up and began to straighten out his clothes. "Man!" You guys got my hair ruined!" He yelled once more at them as they were beginning to wake up.

"Ahhhhh...why does my head hurt?" Link asked him as he painfully got up and stood beside Marth who was thinking the same thing. Jut then, they looked at eachother and screamed!

"Ahhhh! Why are you covered in dumpster poo!" Link cried and stepped back!

"Ahhhhhh! An ugly person!" Marth cried and cowered behind...well there was nothing to cower behind, so he just cowered...yeah...

"Hmmm... and why do I smell so bad?" Link asked himself, smelling his dumpster poo soaked armpit.

"That's because you're covered in dumpster crap!" Marth yelled at him, the stench getting more smellable!

"But why!" Link asked Marth who was still cowering. "Why are we suddenly covered in dumpster #$&?"

Suddenly, they heard a loud snore coming from below them...As the two enemies looked down, they saw none other than-

"ROY!" They both yelled.

"Snnnnoooorrrreee-snort what?" Roy said as he awoke to the sound of angry people. _God, I wonder who got under their skin to make them so angry! Man! It's driving me off the wall! _As he got up, he saw none other than-

"AHHHHHHH! MONSTERS! DUMPSTER POO MONTERS COMING AFTER ME CAUSE I ATE THEIR BANANAS! AHHHHH!" Just then he grabbed his sword and swung at them setting Marth and Link on fire!

"Roy calm down it's-ahhhh! my hair!" Marth cried as Link and him were in flames. "AUGHHHHHHHHH!"

Roy continued to scream "AUGHHHHHHHH!"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link cried.

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Master Hand screamed

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The bowl of gravy showed to the Master Hand.

! what the-

Narrator 1 and 2: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_Meanwhile...in the hospital._

Dr. Mario and the other Smash characters start with suprise as the sound of the screaming reached them. "What on Super Smash Bros. Melee was that?" Dr. Mario wondered aloud, spilling the medicine he was administering to Pikachu in its eyes. "PIIIIKAAAACHUUUU!" it screamed as the medicene burned its eyes. In its pain, it ejected large bolts of electricity from its red cheeks and set the whole floor afire. "What the- aw, now look what you did, Pikachu!" Dr. Mario said angrily, oblivious to the cries of the injured characters around him who's beds and curtains were on fire. "Calm down everyone! I'm gonna need more medicine, I'll be back in an hour or two." Dr. Mario takes his leave here, still oblivious to the fact that the entire floor was on fire.

_Meanwhile, back at the screaming scene..._

(Everyone is still screaming, so we shall fast forward a bit.)

_17 hours later..._

Narrator 1 and 2 had grown bored so they fetched themselves a soda each and were waiting for everyone else to stop screaming. The bowl of gravy ran out of pictures with "AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" on them, so the Master Hand took it and went home to Glove Land or wherever he lives, and the others too got bored and were sitting in a circle on the ground, talking with each other.

"Aw man Roy!" Marth complained touching his scorched hair. "Do you know how long this is going to take me to get fixed?"

"Yeah Roy!" Link said who apparently just learned his name right before the screaming part..."This tunic was pricless! And now I'm gonna have to have Zelda stitch it all up!"

"Aw man Roy! Now my hair is more firey than usual because of your stupid fire attack!" Exclaimed a teenage boy on the right side with flaming red hair, and an obnoxious voice, and an arrogant smirk and-

Narrator 1:...wait a second.

"You're Roy!" Marth said angrily to the teenage boy who was arguing with himself about his flame attack who was well too busy to hear what Marth had just said.

Suddenly, Link whispered into Marth's ear. "Does he always act like this?"

Marth glared daggers at the elf. "How should I know! I only just met him about a day ago!"

"Now look, how bout you tone it down with that attack Roy, and we'll be better off without the fire and-"

"ROY!" Link and Marth shouted at the phsychotic boy who was still talking to himself. Suddenly he looked up.

"Yeah?" Roy replied with a confused idiotic expression on his face.

"Let's hit the showers." Marth told Link and Roy. "Besides, the next tournament is gonna be in about two days, and we need some time to recover..." Suddenly he felt his burnt hair brush against his neck...sighing he looked down. "A LOT OF TIME."

**Narrator 1: Well, that's how the three stupid musketeers meet! Yey! We're finally done with the prologue! We are suck horrible writers yey!**

**Narrator 2: I told you not to say that! That was just my opinion!**

**Narrator 1: I didn't say it! I typed it!**

**Narrator 2: You stinker poo!**

**Narrator 1: Alright, well that's the end of the 4th-**

**Narrator 2: 3RD CHAPTER!**

**Narrator 1: 3rd chapter! And we shall be updating soon! So please Review!**


	4. Mayhem in the Bathroom

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 4

Mayhem in the Bathrooms

**Narrator 1: OMG, mayhem in the bathroom! Who made up this stupid title! I shall kill them! This is K+ ya know!**

**Narrator 2: Um...cough cough, no one...**

**Narrator 1: I knew it was-**

**Narrator 2: (Panting and Sweating..._uh oh...)_**

**Narrator 1: PIGGY!**

**Piggy: Wha-**

**Narrator 2: YES! It was all Piggy! I saw him do it!**

**Narrator 1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. I KNEW IT! IT IS ALWAYS PIGGY'S FAULT! PREPARE TO DIE PIGGY!**

**Narrator 2: snigger (sighs in relief)**

**Piggy: Hey, this isn't ri-(Narrator one bounds in with Roy's sword and-)**

_**Censored for the sake of the younger generation...**_

When we left off, everyone was covered in dumpster poo because of Roy, so they headed off to the showers to clean up and stuff. Because it was a public bathroom and this fanfic is rated K, the three somewhat newly united "musketeers" were wearing their swimming shorts-

**Narrator 1: Hey...wait a sec, weren't you dead in last chapter, Piggy?**

**PIggy: Well you just killed me again in this chapter so what are you complainin about! Huh! oink snort huh!**

**Narrator 1: Er...uh...carry on.**

ANYWAYS, the three idiots were in their swimming trunks-

**Narrator 1: Ah dang it!**

**Narrator 2: Narrator 1! Be curteous! K!K!**

**Narrator 1: Hmph...**

Omg, stop interrupting me! The three fellas hit the showers-

"I HAFFA USE THE POTTY! I DON'T WANNA SHOWER!" Roy cried out, clutching his bottom as if something was gonna burst out of it.

Ok then! Use it!

"Don't have an accident!" Marth calls after Roy as he ran off the set for relief.

"Shut it Marth!" Link said angrily turning on the showers, "you're just gonna make it worse!"

"That was the point moron!" Marth said objectively, turning on his side of the showers.

"Oh..." Link said quietly not daring to see what had become of Roy off the set, "well...then go ahead then. I don't care."

"Thank you!" Marth exhasperated. "But I really need to shower, I smell like dumpster poo."

"That's because you were hit randomly with someone that was in 'dumpster poo'." Link said thinking that Marth was still trying to get over the fact that Roy burnt all of his hair off-

"HEY I CAN HEAR YOU!" Marth shouted angrily at Narrator 1. "Dont' talk about my hair like that! It's not charred!" He suddenly went into emo mode and clutched his burnt rubber smelling-

"SHUT-UP!" Marth shouted once more through the fanfic. "My hair does not smell like-"

"Ewwwwww..." Link said pinching his nose. "What smells like burnt rubber in here!"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Marth cried out and...did some psychopathic stuff around the showers and stuff.

**Narrator 2: NO! NO MORE SCREAMING! NOT AGAIN!"**

"MAAARRRTHH!"

"Aw great...WHAT DO YOU WANT ROY?"

"THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS BATHROOM!"

"Hm? Is Ness' head jammed in the toilet again?" Link asked as he scrubbed his dumpster poo soaked armpit.

**Narrator 1: Why does everyone pick on Ness?**

**Narrator 2: Probably because he looks like the wimpiest character in the game.**

**Narrator 1: Oh...nevermind then. It's not like we want Bowser's head stuck in the toilet! Hahaha, that'd be weird...**

"NO, I THINK IT IS OUT OF TOILET PAPER! IS THAT A BAD THING?"

"Ahhh of all the things that could've happened to me!" Marth yells in exasperation.

**Narrator 1: Well, you are covered in dumpster poo, your hair is pretty much burnt off, and your sword has a little crack on the tip...**

"WHAT? IT DOES?" Marth grabs his sword and anxiously looks at the tip. Suddenly, a little crack appears on his sword tip.

**Narrator 1: See? Right there-**

"OH MY GOD! HOW DID THAT GET THERE? HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN THERE?"

"Apparently just 2 seconds ago." Link answered, also weirded out and suspicious of Narrator 1. He quickly grabs his own sword and checks it throughly for any damages, then hugs it protectively to him.

**Narrator 1: That's not gonna do anything...**

POOF! Link's sword explodes into a cloud of rusty metal.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**"

"MAAARRRTHH! MY BATHROOM STALL IS STILL BROKEN!" Roy yelled again.

"Sigh...SHUT IT, I'M COMIN'!" Marth-

**Narrator 2: Hey wait I need to sneeze, no I don't...YES I DO, no I-YES, YES I don't I don't aaa-**

"Ah great! Can we please move along here? I don't think Roy can take it any longer. " Link said still mourning over his dead sword which was still in a heap of rusty metal.

"I'm comin Roy!" Marth called to his poor friend, grabbing several rolls of toilet paper as he went along-

**Narrator 2: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**

**Narrator 1: Here it comes...**

**Narrator 2: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**

**Narrator 1: Any minute now...**

**Narrator 2: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**

**Narrator 1: OH FOR CRYING-**

**Narrator 2: CHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

A sudden burst of very strong snot-containing wind blasts through the fanfic world. Houses and buildings and mansions and barns full of cows went flying everywhere! It was complete destruction! The showers the fellas were in was also blown off its foundations...but 3 shower stalls and a toilet stall remained standing.

N NEVE

**Narrator 1: DUH! We need those stalls. The rest can BURNNNNNN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Narrator 2: ...Um**

**Narrator 1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**Narrator 2: Er...Narrator 1?**

**Narrator 1: AHAHAHA-ahem Ya?**

**Narrator 2: They're not on fire...**

**Narrator 1: Oh...Darn!**

_Meanwhile..._

Apparently, the remaining toilet stall contained Roy and still no toilet paper, and the three shower stalls were meant for the 3 of them.

"HEY MARTH! WHAT WAS THAT WEIRD SOUND?" Roy called out of his toilet stall prison.

"I think it was-"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHAAAAAAT?"

"SIGH...I THINK IT WAS A WEIRD PLOTHOLE THING THAT CAN NEVER BE EXPLAINED..."Marth called out using his raw voice chords.

"OH...MAAAARRRTHHH!" Roy called out again.

"OH MY GOD WHAT ROY!" Marth yelled angrily across the bathroom...although he could have just been smart and walk over to what's left of the bathroom stall.

"I...NEED...TOILET...**PAPER**!" Roy yelled across the bathroom once more.

Link's ears were really starting to hurt because of all of the stupid noises that didn't even haveto occur if one of them could just be smart!

**Narrator 1: This is why we called it the "stupid" Musketeers? Duh!**

**Narrator 2: Sigh...**

"I'm coming Roy!" Marth said still clutching the toilet paper. As he ran near Roy's stall, a foul stench entered his nostrils with such a passionate and determined force, it almost made Marth wanna puke. Suddenly, his eyelids snapped shut. The stench was so foul even his eyes could smell it...and that didn't even make sense.

"WHAT IS THAT SMELL! OH MY GODIT BURNS!" Marth said swaying side to side like a drunk/crazy/desperate/dying man.

"Um...your hair?" Roy asked in curiosity. "It must be you cause I can't smell anything."

"It's NOT my hair!" Marth said nearly going back into emo mode but calmed down a little bit. This stench was driving him mad and he knew it didn't smell like burnt rubber. Heck in didn't even smell like dumpster poo. No...this smell was worse...A LOT worse. "Darn it! The stench must have gotten to Roy and numbed his nose of ever smelling again! OH THE HORROR!"

"It smells like roses in here!" Roy said happily as he swumg his legs up and down singing a weird song that only weird people sing.

_"Chicken go 'cluck cluck', cow go 'moo!'_

_Piggy go 'oink oink' how bout you?_

_Gotta be an animal just like YOU!"_

Marth thought the stench was bad...god, that noise! It kills! Roy can't sing!

What else is new?

"This stench is too strong...can't fight it..." Marth said as if he fought a tragic battle as he was now on the floor gasping for breath.

"Marth, I really need that toilet paper." Roy said in desperation..."I feel...'sticky'."

"OH MY GOD! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Marth cried out as he ran as fast as he could letting the fresh air grasp his nostrils and bring them back to relief.

"Man, Roy's dump is that bad huh?" Link said as Marth started kissing the thin "fresh" air filling his nose and bringing it to what seemed like heaven.

"I can't give this to him. "Marth said sadly dropping the toilet paper down on the ground. "That smell...it could kill a thousand men it could."

"I dunno how Roy can handle it!" Link said in surprise

_"Chicken go 'cluck cluck' cow go 'mow' -"_

"Okay okay I get it...Roy's an idiot. He can't tell which is worse...the song, or the stench."

Gee, what else is new!

"Well, how do we give it to him?"

"Hmmmm... Well I know I can't." Link said firmly.

"Why?" Marth asked in suspicion.

"Do you know what that stench could do to my clothes! It's like an acid burning through cotten! Plus, I still needa take my shower!"

"Hey so do I!" Marth complained-

**"TOILET PAPER!" **Roy cried a couple of times before they heard the song being sung once more.

**Narrator 2: Here, why don't I help out?**

Magically, a roll of toilet paper appeared in Roy's hands.

**"YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT THE WHOLE FREAKIN TIME!" **Marth yelled at the two Narrators who were completely dumbfounded.

**"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DO IT WHEN ROY SAID HE NEEDED TOILET PAPER! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME SUFFER! WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYY!"** At this moment Marth was on his knees and rolling around sobbing uncontrollably.

**Narrator 2: ...Cuz...it's fun.**

**Narrator 1: Yeah...**

"LALALALALALALAA TOILET PAPER YEY-" Here the toilet paper falls out of Roy's hands, unused, and rolls away out of his reach. "..."

Uh-oh...Roy was in deep trouble...he was going to be smart, keep quiet, and use his resources and-

"MAAAAARRTHHHH!"

**Narrator 1: Cliffhanger! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Will Roy ever get the toilet paper? Will Marth's hair become perfect again? Will Sheela, Link's sword ever be repaired-**

**Narrator 2: Sheela! What are you talking about-**

_Off the set..._

_Link: "Oh sheela, my darling sword, you shall be fixed in the next chapter soon...you shall be avenged in my honor and- HEY! IS THAT A CAMERA! OH MY GOD! WHAT THE &$ (CENSORED FOR FURTHER CONTINUATION)_

**Narrator 2: ...forget I asked.**

**Narrator 1: Yep...see told ya. OK then! Please review and the next chapter will be coming up soon.**

_Off the set_

_(You hear things being flung on the walls, the camera man's screams, and the camera disconnecting, dissolving into static...)_


	5. Mayhem in the Bathroom Pt 2

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 5

Mayhem In The Bathroom Part 2

**Narrator 1: Yeah ya yeah ya! We got reviews! We got awesome f-(_censored)_ reviews!**

**Narrator 2: Woot! Keep the reviews comin' in! Come on, you know you love this story too!**

**Narrator 1: munchmunch and this candy is delicious! munchmunch**

**Narrator 2: slurpsuck mine is better!**

**Narrator 1: Hm...whaddya eatin?**

**Narrator 2: Tuna with sweetcorn on baked potato with butter lollipops!**

**Narrator 1: Wouldn't it be licksuck if you're eating a lollipop?**

**Narrator 2: slurpsucksmack no, it would be slurpsuck, not licksuck. I dunno how you eat your candy, but that's how I eat mine.**

**Narrator 1: Hmmmmm...whatever.**

**Piggy: Oh my god, can you guys just get over it! My god let's just write the fanfic!**

**Narrator 1: Shut it Piggy! You should be thankful we brought you back to life!**

**Narrator 2: Yea! Oh aye, that reminds me, your moment of glory is over Piggy. Time to die!**

**Piggy: WHAT-**

**(Narrator 1 and 2 jump on him, wielding Roy and Marth's swords.)**

**Piggy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

Roy: Oh...are we back on?

"Arghhh! Oh man!" Marth cried and went back to his position, while Link was still at the courthouse, being charged of camera man assualt. Poor Link...

"Man, we can't start this until Link gets here!" Roy said in desperation as Narrator 1 and 2 were still killing Piggy.

"Hey, judgey, can you let me go now?" Link asked impatiently. "I have a fanfic to act out!"

"But the Narrators are still killing Piggy-" the judge begins, but-

CRASH! "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" There was a horrible stench and an explosive crash as a barn full of cows that was sent flying when Narrator 2 sneezed in the last chapter tore through the roof and crashed onto the judge. There was stunned silence, in which Link quickly made his escape...for now.

"Gr...I will get you Link...I will get you." Said the beaten up camera man who saw Link leave and still had his ribs broken, his nose bleeding, his shoulders dislocated and his ankles both sprained. And with that another cow landed on top of the poor camera man!

"AUGHHHHH! CURSE YOU LINK! CURSE YOU!"

_Meanwhile..._

Roy was gleefully cleaning up while Marth was enjoying his stupid silence of nothingness and sulking about wishing he wasn't here at the moment while tending to his hair that had just grown back. (I know know, you guys are all happy!)

"Hmmmm..." Roy said in the lobby with Marth as they waited for Link's return. "Should I watch The Little Mermaid...or should I watch Barney and Friends 5? OHHHHHHH! SO MANY GOOD CHOICES AND SO LITTLE TIME!" Roy suddenly started to cry and close his eyes and started to pick his nose.

"Gosh dangit Roy!" Marth said leaping up from his yoga pad. "Can't you just read or do something else than watch...THIS!" He grasped both boxes and threw them out the window...which was only a one story building. He was merely just tossing it in the dumpster by the window. This of course, angered Roy.

"MY MOVIES!" Roy jumped up and started banging on the floor with his fists like a little baby. "HOW COULD YOU MARTH! THOSE WERE MY FAVORITES! I ALREADY FORGOT 'THE WIGGLE'S TEA PARTY' AND 'DORA'S BIRTHDAY ADVENTURE'!" For a period of time Roy began to pound on the floor shaking the building with an incredible force that made Marth go crazy. Nearly ripping out his beutiful hair...which he was going to, but stopped just in time.

"Roy! Isn't there a better movie we can both watch? Like an action adventure movie or horror or something?" Marth said pleadingly trying to hold his balance on the couch next to him. This apparently only made it worse.

"BUT THOSE WERE ACTION LIKE FILMS!" Roy wailed and screeched. "THEY WERE SPINNING AND DANCING AND SINGING!WHADDYA CALL THAT HUH! HUH!"

Marth suddenly positioned himself in a "Marth-stance look." He made a digusted face. "I call it torture if you ask me."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roy shrieked at the top of his lungs.

"O-okay, h-how -b-bout a horror movie?" Marth suggested hoping it would help.

_It didn't..._

"BUT THOSE WERE HORROR ALSO! THE FOX IN DORA GAVE ME NIGHTMARES FOR WEEKS! I DREAMT OF THE FLYING BUNNIES THAT WERE SINGING WITH BARNEY HELPING HIM STEAL MY UNDERPANTS! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Roy interuppted yet again still crying and picking his nose and stuff.

"Ugh...this is gonna take a while..." Marth said still trying to calm his Barney-loving friend.

**Narrator 2: I bet all of you were wondering where Link was all this time and why it was taking him so long to reach the set. Well, why don't we go and find out...**

Here we see Link crouched over his beloved sword Sheela who was still in a state of rusted metal in the basement of the courthouse being analyzed for clues to the assualt.

"OH SHEELA! I FOUND YOU! I THOUGHT THE MEANIE FAT JUDGEY HAD TAKEN YOU AWAY FOREVER! NOW YOU SHALL BE AVENGED!" Here he looks muderously at Narrator 1 who was now poking Piggy's body with Roy's sword and adruptly set it on fire.

**Narrator 1: Holy crap!**

**Narrator 2: Uh, Narrator 1-**

**Narrator 1: Dude that was awesome!**

**Narrator 2: Narrator-**

BOOOOM! Piggy's body blows up as a result of Narrator 1's continuous poking with Roy's sword.

**Narrator 1: YAY! THAT WAS EVEN MORE AWESOME! Oh yeah, what did you want?**

**Narrator 2: I think Link is plotting to kill you since you ruined Sheel- erm his sword.**

**Narrator 1: All well, I just repaired Marth's for the upcoming scenes in this chapter, I guess I can do the same to Link...because I'm so freakin nice all the time!**

**Narrator 2: cough sure cough**

**Narrator 1: (glares at Narrator 2) What was that?**

**Narrator 2: Er...nothing?**

**Narrator 1: Oh, I thought you wanted to tell me that Roy is swimming in dumpster poo again...**

**Narrator 2: What-**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY ARE YOU IN THERE AGAIN?" Marth cries out at he just realized Roy somehow jumped out the window and into the dumpster without him realizing it.

"I'M LOOKING FOR MY FAVORITE VIDEOS! THAT YOU SO CRUELLY THREW AWAY!" Roy surfaces for breath for that little heartfelt speech, then dives down again, searching in vain for the videos he loved so much. The search was in vain, because he was swimming in the wrong dumpster.

**Narrator 2: Augh, lets just get started with the story now! (yea, we pretty much wasted lik 10 min of your life back there)**

Poof! Link's sword was whole again, Marth's sword had no flaws, and the swords were delivered back to their rightful owners.

**Narrator 1: Now, on with the show...**

"MAAAAAAARRRRTHHHH!"

"Oh no!" Marth said realizing they were back in the fanfic, and they were still in the ewwy gooey like clothes. Except the only difference was that Marth's beloved hair was back to normal, and they all had their flawless swords.

"MAAARTTTHHHH! I NEED TOILET PAPER AGAIN!"

**Narrator 2: Wait, how did Roy get out of his toilet stall prison...**

**Narrator 1: Duh! Because we let him! Let me explain...We are the writers. So iso-facto, we get to write whatever the heck we want to write. Whatever we write happens. So if I said that they are in their same like positions, then they are!1 OKAY? ARE WE CLEAR! I was nice enough to let them have a break. Besides, Roy is still in his "sticky" like situation because I wrote it, so it happens!**

**Narrator 2: Ok...so let me try! I say...Roy is back in his toilet prison, except his stall is in the heart of a well guarded fortress which is guarded by evil fat skunks who are immune to Roy's stink 'cuz they stink really bad themselves! And the other two somehow has to find a way past the smell and rescue Roy! **

**Narrator 1: Hmmmm...That was good. Me like.**

**Narrator 2: Thank you!**

"Well, it was nice knowing you Roy. "Marth said hoping in the shower. "Take care of yourself."

"Yeah." Link said hopping in his own as well. "We'll miss ya buddy." And with that they started to shower and make themselves clean again! YEY!

**Narrator 1: Oh no ya don't...**

POOF

"Link, do you have the shampoo?" Marth yelled to Link who was in his own stall.

"No, I thought you had it." Link called back. "You have it right? And the body wash too?"

**Narrator 1: Heh heh heh...**

**Narrator 2: Oh boy...**

"NO I DON'T HAVE IT! STOP MESSING WITH ME LINK AND GIVE ME THE SHAMPOO AND BODY WASH!" Marth yelled angrily shaking his stall back and forth a little bit. What was the point of getting into the shower if they can't wash themselves?

"I DON'T HAVE IT!" Link yelled. "Somebody took it!"

"OH MAN!" Marth said in sadness until he stepped on something that was slippery.

_It was a bar of soap._

"LINK! LINK! LINK! I have a bar of soap!" He gently grasped the oh so wonderful smelling soap and held it close to him.

"Finally!" Link said excitedly. "Hand it over when you're done okay?"

"Okay!" Marth said. Just when he held it up to his perfect blue hair...

_**IT SLIPS!**_

"Get back here!" Marth said trying to catch the soap that was slipping off of his hands. Suddenly it flew out of the stall, out of this side of the bathroom and landed across the fortress where Roy was patiently sitting hoping his friends will love him again, and come rescue him. Suddenly, a bar of soap hit him across the head.

"OW! HEY! WHAT'S THIS SOAP DOING HERE! AND WHY DO I HAVE MARTH'S SHAMPOO 'shampoo used for sexy blue hair'?" This appeared right next to the obnoxious teen by the empty toilet roll.

**Narrator 1: AH HA! GOTCHA! NOW YOU HAFTA GO THROUGH THE FORTRESS NOW TO EVER BE CLEAN AGAIN! MWAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Narrator 2: sigh...And Marth and Link have to risk their lives for what? A STUPID BAR OF SOAP AND BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO! OMG THIS IS SO RETARTED!**

**Narrator 1: ...but it's funny, is it not?**

**Narrator 2: ...Yea! Carry on!**

"Oh come on! We have to do all of that just to get clean?" Marth wailed in disbelief. Poor Marth...

"Well, come on! How hard can this be? I got precious Sheela back in prime condition, your sword doesn't have a crack anymore...lets go kick stinky skunk butt!" Link whooped and whirled Sheela above his head. Unfortunately, because his hands were still slippery with dumpster poo, his sword flew out of his hands and the handle hit Marth in the head...again.

"OW! YOU IDIOT!" Marth howled, grasping his head where a bump was beginning to rise.

**Narrator 2: Okay, this is taking too long (can't leave the idiots to do anything themselves...)**

POOF The two dumpster poo covered swordsmen appeared in the middle of a bunch of giant, fat, smelly skunks, each as big as warhorses.

"Uh-oh..." Marth whispered as the skunks glared in their direction...and began to growl and hiss and fart and raise their tails. Everyone knows when a skunk raises its tail, it's about to spray you, and by the size and smell of these monsters, I'm pretty sure neither Marth and Link did not want to get sprayed.

"Hey Marth...what do we do now?" Link whispered in Marth's ear.

"Uhh...RUUNN!" Marth bolted towards a little opening in the crowd of giant skunks with Link close on his heels. However, this lead to only more skunks, all of them a lot bigger than the last.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Link screams as one of the skunks sprayed but barely missed him. The smell driving him mad, he began to whirl in circles, holding Sheela out in front of him, and sent skunks flying everywhere. Sheela began to glow blue-white with power as Link spun faster and faster.

"Hey, that's a good idea.." Marth said, feeling stupid as to not thinking of using his sword. Whipping it out, he joined Link, cleaving a path throught the stinky fat skunks straight to where Roy was in his toilet prison. By the time they reached Roy, they had slain all the skunks in the entire fortress and dumped them into a pit of doom where the stalls were.

"Gasp...Roy...quick..." Marth panted as he was close to collapsing. "Give...me...SHAMPOO!"

"NO! Where is my TOILET PAPER?" Roy shouted outraged, as he was still feeling sticky.

"Here is your stupid toilet paper!" Link thrust the fresh roll that somehow appeared in his hands at the redhead. "Now gimme that soap!"

"Oh this thing-" Roy began to hold the bottle of shampoo up to Marth, but squeezed it too hard, and a great gob of it squirted into Marth's eyes.

"**AAAHHHH MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES! AAAAAHHHHHHH! IT BURNS!**" Marth shrieked and danced around the stall like a lunatic.

"Whoops...anyways, here is your soap Li-" the cursed bar of soap shoots out of Roy's hand and smacks Link full in the face.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! MY EYES! YOU IDIOT! IT BURNS TOO!**" Link joined Marth in his crazy dance around the stall while Roy looked at them like they had gone crazy.

_Sheesh, people these days..._"Yey! my toilet paper! At last reunited!" **Carefully** using his sweet toilet paper, he was able to do what he was finally waiting for.

**Narrator 1: Okay people, clear out. Roy's gotta...yeah, you all know. No need to get into details.**

**Narrator 2: Please, don't make me gag.**

After a few seconds, Roy was squeaky clean! Who knows why, all he did was use the bathroom. But I guess it cleaned him up too. "Wow, thanks guys!" He came up to the two wackos that were still screaming and gave them a pat on the back. What he didn't know was that he had accidently patted them so hard that both Link and Marth knocked into eachother and sent themselves hurtling into the pit of doom, where all of the skunks were waiting viciously...

**Narrator 2: But they were slain.**

**Narrator 1: I know...heh heh heh...watch this!**

**Narrator 2: Smirks Oh you're bad!**

**Narrator 1: Hahaha...I know**

As they came crashing down into the pit and Roy watching either in amuesment or fear, I can't really tell, they landed on one of the skunks heads. Just then, a splash of water came out of nowhere and washed Marth and Link's eyes out...ya...weird.

"Phew..." Marth said cleaning out his eyes. And jumping off one of the skunks and and helped Link down as well. "At least all these stupid rotten dirty ewwy-"

"MAAARTTTHHH!" Roy called out to the blue haired swordsman.

"Ugh...what Roy?" Marth yelled back, waiting for Roy's reply.

"Ummm...look behind you..."

"What?" Marth turned around slowly with Link as they came across something they dearly dreaded...

**A SURVIVING SKUNK'S BUTT WAS CLEAR UP IN THEIR FACES...READY TO-**

**"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"**

Leaving the pitted area and heading back to the mansion, Roy looked down in pity...

_**"Whoops"**_

**Narrator 1: Yey! We're done with this chapter! (Wipes sweat off forehead) Gee, I hope Marth and Link can forgive me for doing that to them...BUT IT WAS JUST SO FUN!**

**Narrator 2: Uhh...I was the one who came up with the giant skunks and the fortress idea...uh-oh...I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!**

**Narrator 1: I don't know what you're talking about...**


	6. Chapter 29

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 29

A Whole New Beginning

**Narrator 2: CHAPTER 29! WHAT THE HECK! Did I miss something?**

**Narrator 1: No...**

**Narrator 2: Then why does it say chapter 29 then!**

**Narrator 1: I dunno, I asked Roy to set it up for me cause I was trying to bring Piggy back to life and so I was busy at the moment**

**Narrator 2: WHAT! YOU ASKED ROY!**

**Narrator 1: Yeah...why not?**

**Narrator 2: A few memories are coming back to me...**

_Flashback..._

_**Narrator 2: Hey Roy, can you help me put up our fanfiction banner on our homepage?**_

_**"Yeah! Why not?" Roy said gleefully as he climbed the ladder holding the end piece of the banner.**_

_**Narrator 1: Yeah...no...right there...a little to the left...no...a little more...LEFT DANG IT LEFTLEFT! THAT'S YOUR RIGHT ROY!**_

_**"Oh, sorry." Roy apologized and moved it down.**_

_**Narrator 2: Roy, narrator 1 said left!**_

_**"I thought Narrator 1 said up." Roy said in his innocent voice.**_

_**Narrator 2: Then, why'd ya move it down?**_

_**"Umm...isn't up pointing south?" Roy asked moving the banner more down and to the right.**_

_**Narrator 2: What does that have to do with that! And why are you moving it more right? We said left! And why are you sniffing it?**_

_**Looking up shockingly, Roy smiled. "Mmmmm, it smells like cinnamon." CHOMP! He promptly bit a huge chunk out of the 100 canvas/plasticy thingy banner.**_

_**Narrator 1: Oh my god! ROY!**_

_**Narrator 2: Oh man! Roy!**_

_**Too happy to notice, Roy then started munching on a piece of the plastic banner that apparently was in his mouth which was drooling out ink.**_

_**Narrator 2: Aw that's just sick.**_

_**Narrator 1: Hmmmm...does it really taste like cinnamon? LEMME TRY! Climbing up the ladder where Roy was Narrator 1 takes a piece of the banner and was just about to stick it in their mouth, when Roy let out a triumphant yell.**_

_**"Get away from my cinnamon!" Roy screamed and knocked the piece of plastic outta Narrator 1's hands.**_

_**Narrator 1: NOOOOOOOOO MY CINNAMON!**_

_**Narrator 2: BANNER! BANNER I SAY! BANNER!**_

_**In fury, Narrator 1 jumps on Roy and tackles the redhead to the ground, therefore letting Roy drop the banner that randomly turned into a breakable banner.**_

_**"Geroff me!" Roy yelled slapping away Narrator 1's hand that was being stuffed in his face forcefully and very painfully. Kicking Narrator 1 in the leg, they finally gave in and let go of Roy as they both fell to the ground.**_

_**That's when the breakable porcelan banner falls right on Narrator 2's head and-**_

_**Narrator 2: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH REMEMBERING!**_

_In the present..._

**Narrator 2: I'm not done remembering!**

_In the flashback..._

_**Narrator 2: STOPPIT! (Here Narrator 2 reaches out and slaps Narrator 1 who was sitting on the flash back button)**_

**Narrator 1: Ooooo, a seat warmer!**

_**Narrator 2: GET OFF! (The real Narrator 2 comes over and kicks Narrator 1 off the button, then sits on it too.)**_

**Narrator 2:Lalalalalalalalallaalla!**

_**Narrator 2: AHHHH-**_

_**CRACK!**_

_**There is a loud noise as the button breaks and the rest of the flash back is lost forever...sniff sniff...and we were getting to the good part of the flash back too...**_

**Narrator 2: And that's what happened!**

**Narrator 1: Aww...howcome I don't remember?**

**Narrator 2: Cause you and Roy knocked eachother out and probably lost the memory in the process.**

**Narrator 1: Oh...right. What were we talking about again?**

**Narrator 2: Oh my god! Why is the chapter labled 29!**

**Narrator 1: Uh...I dunno. Let's ask Roy.**

**Narrator 2: UGHHH, let's just fix this and get it over with.**

**Narrator 1: Awwww, and I was gonna play the good-bad cop routine.**

**Narrator 2: sigh...**

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 2- I mean, Chapter 6

A Whole New Beginning

**END OF CHAPTER...**

**Piggy: What the-**

**Roy: WHAT!**

**Marth: YEY!**

**Link: Hmm...I want some doughnuts.**

**Roy: Me too!**

**Narrator 1: Me three!**

**Narrator 2: I needa take a nap...**


	7. Drwon aka New Beginnings

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 7

Drwon aka A whole new beginning

**Narrator 1: Ahhh, the flashback tired me out too quickly so...ya. I didn't feel like writing ne more...**

**Narrator 2: Now we start the story for reals!  
**

**Narrator 1: For reals?**

**Narrator 2: For reals!**

**Piggy: For reals-**

**Narrator 1 and 2(unison): Piggy shut up!**

**Piggy: sniff sniff, when will I ever belong?**

**Narrator 1: (wielding Roy's sword yet again): When you are dead!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!**

**Narrator2: (wiping off Piggy's blood off of Marth's sword): Way ahead of ya, buddy.**

**Narrator 1: What- aw man!!**

**Narrator 2: Hm?**

**Narrator 1: I wanted to kill piggy!!!!**

**Narrator 2: Your day will come my friend...soon.**

**Narrator 1: Sigh...okay.**

**Narrator 2: Now, on with the story! Let's see how Marth and Link are doing in the pit of doom.**

"It doesn't look too good!" Roy called from the edge of the pit of doom. Narrators 1 and 2 joined Roy and saw the offending skunk from chapter 4 had its head lopped off, but Marth and Link were not mocking it like they usually would be. Instead, they were slouching against the walls, pouting and were obviously in a fine, bad old mood.

**Narrator 1: Aw come on, don't be like that. Don't be mad!  
**

"Hmph!" came the grunted reply from Marth.

"Harrumph!" came a similar reply from Link.

**Narrator 2: Aw come one, admit it! It should have been somewhat funny to you two! (even though we made you suffer a lot...)**

"Yeah!!! It was fun!!! Let's do it again!!!" Roy shouts jumping up and down.

Thud! Marth's sword coming hurtling out of the pit and hits Roy upside the head.

"OWWW!!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Roy howled.

"Cause you deserved it!!! You are the reason we are in this pit with all these stupid smelly skunks and an ugly person!!" came Marth's reply.

Great tears began swelling up in Roy's blue eyes. "M-Marth...L-L-Link...I thought you...I thought you loved me!!!! WAAAAAAHAAAAA!!!" Suddenly, cupfulls of tears began shooting out of Roy's eyes and immedietely knocked Link and Marth off the wall sending them flying to the ground with a great big crash

crash

"Oh man!" Link said getting up and drying off his hat, "Roy's crying again! This isn't go-AUGHHHHHHH!!!" Just as fast as it came, Link was once again shot out of his posistion by waves of salty tears and washing him clear across the room. "Marth! Help me!" He cried but his cries were swallowed by the booming of thunder and lightening of depression as Roy continued to sob.

"F-fr-friends...f-fo-forever!!!" Roy wailed at the top of his lungs. "I th-thought it wa-was f-for r-reals!!! WAAAAAHAAAAAAA AIIIIEEEEE AHHHH WAHHHHHH! SNIFFSNORT WAHHHHHHAAAAAAEEEEEIIIIAAAAAAWOOOOHHHHHPAGGAAAAAAGOOOOGEEEEEE AAAHHAAAA WAHHHHHHH FOMANDSHDEKIWOFCHWIKVBCWKFCHWISJDWESLKFCHWIKFCJKLSAXDHCQWBSDXQXDQWOJCSIJCSA WSAHHHHHH!!!!"

**Narrator 2: How on earth did you make Roy do that? It's hurting my ears.**

**Narrator 1: It's not me!!!! He's like...making me type it or something! Look, I'm just spelling it as best as I can okay! So stop blaming it on me!!!"**

**Narrator 2: We gotta stop this.**

**Narrator 1: Hmm...let's kill Marth.**

**Narrator 2: ...Other than that.**

**Narrator 1: Aw come on. That fairy boy deserves it!**

"Hey!" Marth said leaping up from the ground and dodging the repetitive attacks Roy was sending at him randomly with his tears. "I'm no fairy boy! Besides, Roy's the one that's crying!"

"I...AM...N-NOT...CR-CRYING!" Roy bawled loudly and continued to spray fountains of tears than dreams at everything he could see.

"Then, why are your eyes wet and your nose red?" Marth asked him quietly.

This wasn't helping.

"M-My...EYES...A-ARE...LEA-LEAKING!" Roy shrieked once more and continued to let his eyes leak and his nose run ewwy gooey boogers down his cheeks...

**Narrator 1: Ew...**

**Narrator 2: Ew...**

**"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH POOOOOOHFJKASHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJWSLAFNDM,SFVFVFVFVFVFVFVFVFVFVODSPFHWSOAPWOEDJDSVCNSAKJDHWISOHACXNJAGYTGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFUCKDXJKOQWHSQWDGYQUIODSQWWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" **This was the dreadful noise that Roy was making as best as we can spell it...

**Narrator 2: Now that is not crying anymore, that is a whole buncha nonsense!! ...Hey is that a cuss word right there???**

**Narrator 1: Whe-**

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOMODOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPIIIIIIIEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRAAGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMLALAMALLALALALALALAABOOMSHAKALAKALAKAPOOOOOOPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEERRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRWAGRWOAKDOFKEWIAGKGIEOAKDOGIEWLAIEHIGOHEIWOASDLGIEHKWLAEIAGEIEAIREIALEAHGIEAILEIHGEIELAIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEPOOOOOPBLAHBLAHBLLOOOOOOOOOEVERYWHEREDUDEWHEREISMYCARIWANNAGOTOTHESTOILETIHAFFAGOSOBAD!!!!!!" Yes, Roy was making all this noise as well. Roy was bawling so hard, fiery hot winds were pounding the helpless swordsmen down in the pit along with the ever flowing tears.

"AHH!! WE'RE GONNA DROWN!" Link yelled as the pit was filling up rapidly with Roy's tears at an alarming rate. The tear/water level was already up to his chin!

"I'm not gonna drown, no way!" Marth, all determined and stuff, climbed aboard a stinky blood-stained furry body of a dead skunk which was floating on the surface of the tear water stuff. He clung onto it like his life depended on it...wait, his life really did depend on it! "Aw man!!"

"Smart thing!" Link too located a floating skunk body and climbed on that. The water level was now 10 feet high! "...HEY!!! NOOOOO!!!!" Link howled as his fatty fatness of heavy equipment weighed his skunk down and it began to sink!

"Nyah nyah! You're too fat to float! Nyah nyah!" Marth jeered at Link, making fun of Link's desperate dilemna. Just then, as water was flowing steadily into the skunk's open mouth and filling it up with water, Marth's skunk began to sink as well.

"Nyah nyah! _You're_ too fat to float!" Link retorted back at Marth. "You are gonna drown, and I am gonna laugh!"

"What are you talking about?? You're gonna drown too!" Marth cried indignantly . "I'll bet you will drown before I do because of your fatty fat fatnesss!"

Meanwhile, up out of the pit of doom at its edge, Narrator 1 and 2 were debating whether they should stop Roy's crying and save Marth and Link from their inevitable fate of drowning in Roy's retarded sorrow.

**Narrator 2: I think we took this a little too far. If we let them die, then we don't have a story to write anymore!  
**

**Narrator 1: What are you talking about?? This is so much fun! Drwon!!!**

**Narrator 2: Drwon?**

**Narrator 1: Yes, drown**

**Narrator 2: But you said drwon**

**Narrator 1: What the heck? Narrator 2, stop spelling things wrong, you're making as ief the stpry was wtiteen by ametiers **

**Narrator 2: ...Oh my-**

"HEY!" Link cried out to the amatuers of writing, "we are about to drown here! And I suggest you make a decision now!!!! And I MEAN NOW!"

"Now?" Marth asked curiously.

"Yes...why?" Link replied.

"Now just passed seven seconds ago." Marth answered, unabled to contain a snicker behind his statement.

"Well...how 'bout...now?" Link said in hope.

_He shouldn't have to die this way._

"But that now just passed two seconds ago!" Marth cried furiuosly, waving his arms in mid-air, acting like a phsyco maniac.

"(beeeeeeeeep)!" Link cursed under his breath-wait, no. He yelled it.

"I know!" Roy had stopped crying, and began jumping up and down in excitement, causing massive earthquakes that created large waves that threatened to engulf the two swordsmen in the pit of doom. "Let's go on a completely stupid and pointless quest for a time machine that will pause time so that the narrators can make a decision NOW...which passed about 2.5673300596 seconds ago!" (yes, he did the math with his trusty calculator...his fingers;crazy huh?)

"Good i-" Link begins but is cut off as the random giant hand of Narrator 2 comes in and shoves his head under the sea of tears.

**Narrator 2: NOOOOO!!! NO MORE SENSELESS AND POINTLESS QUESTS FOR STUPID THINGS!! WHY DO WE NEED A TIME MACHINE WHEN I CAN PAUSE TIME...NOW!**

_Throughout the fanfic world, birds pause in midair, cows stop in mid-moo, chickens pause in the middle of egg-laying, your cheeseburger which you are eating right now freezes halfway to your mouth which Roy abruptly steals before he too is frozen, and a random person stepping on a poor grasshopper stops in mid-squish._

**Narrator 2: OK! Now we can make a desicion...now!**

_2 years, which feels like a second to everyone frozen, passes by..._

**Narrator 1: Through much debating and cheeseburger stealing, we have decided to let you two live, 'cuz then everyone will get mad and stuff 'cuz we ended the story so soon.**

Roy and Link cheer happily, Roy for no apparent reason as he was not gonna die, and Link 'cuz he wasn't gonna die. Marth, however, did not know whether to drwon-er drown himself or cry, as he knew the Narrators were just gonna make him suffer a lot because he is hearing everthing I am saying...

"WAAAAAHAAAAAAWEGEHNJAKLGENIWAODJFIEOWAGNEIOAVMDIAOSGEJWKIAOHGRJAO;VMDAO-" To save our characters' ears, we will cut Marth's deranged wailing short, which actually would have lasted a long time if we hadn't.

"I know Marth...I'm happy too!" Roy said at the verge of tears, "because...because..." He sniffed a bit trying to regain his status.

"Oh for crying out loud Roy!" Marth yelled pushing the youngswordsman back a little bit. "What-"

"WHAT TIME IS IT?!" Link sang with a random green microphone in his hands as it was held up to his chin.

THE STAGE IS DIMMED, AND THE LIGHTS ARE NOW FOCUSED ON ROY

"Oh man..." Marth said, gawking at the idiotic teen standing before him, his head down, and a microphone (except red) by his side.

"I used to love her..." Roy began.

"NO! NOT THAT SONG! THE OTHER SONG!" Link shouted in his back-up dancing tunic all pink and fluffy and stuff.

"Oh right!" Roy said. "Alright,"( he stands in his weenie like stance) "hit it!"

**Narrator 2: You got it! (flips the karaoke machine on)**

**Narrator 1: YES! (Grabs popcorn and sits in the now filled up theatre with all the smash melee players, eagerly awaiting the show)**

"Please...don't." Marth begged.

_**To late**_

_**Roy starts out nice and-**_

_"It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time_

Where he at! Where he at! Where he at! Where he at!

_Now there he go! There he go! There he go! There he go!_

_It's peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! _

_Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly_

_peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!_

_Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly_

_Peanut butter with a baseball bat!"_

_**Link's turn...**_

_"Now, break it down and freeze!Now, break it down and freeze!Now, break it down and freeze!Now, break it down and freeze!_

_Now tic tac toe (uh-huh)  
Tic tac toe (let's go)  
Tic tac toe (you got it)  
Tic tac toe (let's ride)!!!!"_

_**Roy and Link together...**_

_Now, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, your style _

_Now, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, your style _

Where he at! Where he at! Where he at! Where he at!  
Now there he go! There he go! There he go! There he go!

_**PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!!!!**_

Everyone starting clapping and cheering and stuff and doing the daily routine. Roy and Link bowed as roses, cows, chickens, children, underwear, and bras were thrown at them in their honor. Suddenly, Roy let out a yelp.

"AND THIS WAS FOR OUR BESTEST FRIEND MARTH!!!!" Without warning, the lights were all facing towards the sulking swordsman who stomped up the stage as everyone beckoned for him to join his two cough cough friends.

"Hmph." Marth pouted as Link and Roy came up to greet him. Turning to Link Mrath scowled. "I am very disappointed in you Link..." He muttered slowly and dangerously. But Link merely grinned and frantically pushed Roy in front of him.

"Hehe...hiya Marth!" Roy said uneasily. "Um...this will be a fun year huh?" Just as Marth reached for his sword...

**Narrator 1: Alright! Set up the dorms! Party is over like NOW! (Every melee character leaves and pairs up with their assigned roomates and head out for the mansion)**

**Narrator 2: Please look at the following dorm assignments:**

**Room 38: Zelda and Peach**

**Room 109: Samus and Captain Falcon**

**Room 203: Ganandorf and Link-**

"Gulp!" Link stuttered and hid behind Marth who only just laughed.

**Room 86: Pikachu and Pichu**

**Room 21: Jigglypuff and Ness**

**Room N64: Mario and Luigi**

**Room 101: Bowser and Donkey Kong**

**Room 15: Yoshi and Kirby**

**Room 07: Iceclimbers and Mr. Game and Watch**

**Room 55: Young Link and Mewtwo**

**Room 99: Fox and Falco**

**and lastly...**

**Room 911 (how ironic): Marth and Roy**

"WHAT THE-"

**END OF CHAPTER! **

**  
**


	8. Somebody Call 911!

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 8

Somebody Call 911!!!

**Narrator 1: Oh man...this should be interesting**

**Narrator 2: Yeah, there is gonna be lotsa sparks flying in room 911...**

**Piggy: Hey! Quick! There is a fire in-**

_Chop_

**Narrator 1:Yes!!! Haha! I got to kill Piggy before you did! **

**Narrator 2: Aw man! Next time he's mine! ...wait, wasn't he trying to tell us something about a fire?**

**Narrator 1: Huh? I didn't hear anything about a-**

"FIRE!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! IT'S A FIRE! HELP HELP!!! STOP DROP AND ROLL! GOSH DANG IT ROY! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! MY HAIR CANNOT WITHSTAND THIS KIND OF TEMPERATURE!!!!"

**Narrator 2: (Looks at Narrator 1 with an annoyed expression)**

**Narrator 1: Heheh, oh...that fire.**

**(Both Narrators decide over a sunkist that they would not interfere with the scene below, thinking it would be very entertaining)**

"What's going on?" Roy sprinted into 911 kitchen outside the living room, smelling the ewwy grossy smell of burnt rubber again. _Oh great, Marth was attempting to try and cook again? _As he entered, he saw Marth frantically running around the kitchen arms over his head waving side to side over and over and over again. Roy was starting to get a headache, and he really didn't need to hear Marth's sissy screams over some dumb-

_Wait a minute...there was supposed to be a fire in the kitchen! _

"OH ROY!" Marth ran towards him his face in shock and fear. "There's a fire! A HUGE one at that. It was about to burn me alive!" Roy peered over Marth's shoulder and raised an eyebrow at the blue haired maniac.

"Ahem...er...Marth...there is no fire." Roy said still looking around in the kitchen. Marth glared and grabbed Roy's arm and dragged him towards the oven, where the microwave was laying up above it...and something seemed to be very peculiar about it. Roy walked over to it and looked inside. There inside the microwave was a potato on fire exploding itty bits and pieces throughout the microwave. Just then Marth yelped.

"SEE DO YOU SEE IT ROY?! IT'S MADNESS I TELL YOU! MADNESS! MADNESS!" Marth cried out at the obnoxious teen who was still scratching his head and his eyes glued to the microwave. "Should we call the fire department?" Marth asked shrilly, his knees locked and quivering with fear. Roy let out a sigh.

"Marth, what were you cooking?" Roy asked him, tired out by his friend's fear of a small fire that was erupting inside a microwave. I mean com'on, who screams at a fire in the microwave? That's just dumb.

"Well..." Marth began, his voice sounding a little bit shameful, "I was taking out the leftovers of the potatoes that YOU stole from the Super Smash Mansion kitchens and decided to have them for lunch. I put them in the microwave to heat up and set the timer for about two minutes and then poof! There was a fire."

"That's odd," Roy was now dressed in a "Sherlock Holmes" outfit smoking an old-fashioned english pipe, trying to solve the mystery of the pyro combusting potatoes. In general, he just called it the exploding potatoes. Coughing and gacking on his pipe, Roy turned to Marth and blew the smoke in Marth's face which made Marth wince. "Are you sure that's what happened? The slightest detail may be important."

**Narrator 1: Okay, I'm sorry I have to interrupt...but why is Roy acting so smart all of a sudden???**

**Narrator 2: Hmm...let me see...uhhhh...errr...oh dear. I'm afraid I'm quite stumped as well.**

**Narrator 1: Arghhhh, where's Link in all of this?**

_(Back in Room 203)_

_CRASH! BANG! BOOM! KATHONK!TWANG!LDXKSDHQKWJDHQKWJXDBQKWJDB!!!!_

**Narrator 2: Err...I think Link's busy at the moment.**

**Narrator 1: Forget it...**

**(Suddenly, Piggy returns to help the stumped Narrators and calls them backstage)**

**Narrator 1: Grr...I thought I killed you already Piggy!**

**Narrator 2: MY TURN! (Narrator 2 equips Marth's sword)**

**Piggy: NO! WAIT! Look at this...okay, why is Roy's script mixed in with Marth's scripts pile??? And then look at this...Marth's script for this chapter are mixed up in Roy's pile! Who did this? That's why Roy's acting all smart! That was Marth's script! And furthermore- AUUUUUUGGHHHHHH!!!!!**

_Chop_

**Narrator 1: Okay that's all we need to know. Let's get back to the fanfic...it appears it's too late to change this...so we'll carry on with this scene and when we have a chance Roy's scripts will be back to normal.**

**Narrator 2: Okay...but next time I get to kill Piggy twice!!!!!**

**Narrator 1: Oh...right. Sorry about that Narrator 2.**

**Narrator 2: Whatever. On with the show!!!**

"Um...the potatoes were wrapped in foil if that's what you mean." Marth added. "Does that help?" Roy then slaps his forehead.

"Marth...you never...ever...put...foil... INSIDE A FRIGGIN MICROWAVE!!!!" Roy screamed.

"Oh..." Marth looked thoughtful for a moment.

"But why?" Roy suddenly asked.

**Narrator 1: Ok! We are back on track! Here the script must have been mixed up again.**

**Narrator 2: Whew! I felt like I was gonna go crazy, seeing Marth acting so stupid!**

"Because that happe- Hey, what are you doing wearing my detective costume! Give it here!" Marth pounced on Roy and they rolled around a bit, Marth tearing the costume off Roy and Roy desperately trying to keep it on.

"Hey-stoppit Marth! I really like these clothes!" Roy wailed as Marth snatched his hat. Finally, after a bit of fighting and some more rolling around, Marth has retrieved his costume from Roy and now was wearing it.

"Ok, since I know that you have a knack of setting things on fire (what with your fiery personality and stuff) and I don't like fire (especially after what happened to my hair) I suggest you go call the fire department to deal with this." Marth said all professional and stuff; here he sticks the english pipe in the corner of his mouth and smartly marches away. Bad choice.

"I don't need any stinky firemen to handle this fire. I am fire! I will deal with my own brethren!" Roy mutters muderously under his breath when Marth left the kitchen. He turns to the little potato which was fairly shriveled up now and eyes it dangerously. "Marth started you, but I shall end you!" He started for the sink, planning to splash the potato with water-

"You better not use water anywhere near that microwave!" Marth called from the other room. "You will ruin it!"

"Alright, if I can't bring the water to you, I will take you to the water!" Roy told the potato in a no-nonsense voice. The potato seemed to tremble in fear as Roy approached it, slowly drawing his sword. He then proceeded to try and spear the potato on the point of his sword.

"Stand still, dang it!" He muttered angrily as the potato rolled around and around in the microwave, frantically trying to escape from his questing sword point. "Gotchya!" He faked a jab at the potato, and, as it made an evasive roll to the right, he quickly skewered it. Smiling in triumph, he pulled the potato on his sword point out of the microwave.

"Muhaha, it is to the garbage disposal with yo- oh no!" The potato abruptly combusted into fire again, this time not from Marth's temporary stupidity, but from Roy's fiery sword. Yelping, he hurried over to the sink, but tripped over his cape in his haste and _whoop!_ the potato slid off the point of Roy's sword and crashed into the curtains of the window over the sink, instantly setting them afire.

"Dang it- MAAARRRTH!!" Roy yelled as he whipped up a little rug from the tiled ground and tried to beat the fire out with it. "MAAARRRTH!" Roy began to sweat little beads of panic as the little rug was set afire as well. He dropped the rug with a yelp and, stomping on it, screamed at the top of his voice: " MAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRTH!!!!!!"

"Gosh dang it- did you run out of toilet paper again Roy??" came Marth's irritated reply. He was busy arranging his tiara thingy carefully on his head in front of the mirror in his room. He started as Roy's sudden yelling blasted into his room, causing his hand to knock his tiara askew. He stopped suddenly as he smelled and saw smoke drifting into his room along the ceiling.

"MARTH MARTH! HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP!!!" Roy dashed into Marth's room, his hair even more red than ever.

"Dang it Roy! Did you try to handle the situation yourself?" Marth yelled at the obnoxious boy.

"Sorta..." Roy's voice trailed off miserably.

Marth sighed deeply and, hating fire with every fiber of his being, acted instantly in the best way he could at that moment.

_Clang-ring-a-dingle!_

"OOWW!!" Roy howled as Marth chucked a cheap hotel phone thingy at his head. "What was that for??"

"Quick, call 911!" Marth shouted as he bounded out of the room. "I am going to warn the others!"

_Beep-boop-boop!_ Roy quickly dialed 911. _Ring-ring!_

Marth skidded to a stop next to the phone near the front door. "Hello?" he inquired.

"HEY! HEY!! HELP!! FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE!!! QUICK, GET SOME SMELLY FIREMEN HERE!!" Roy's voice blasted through the phone, half-deafening Marth.

"What the- ROY?? IS THAT YOU??" Marth shouted back at the phone, holding it a arm's length away from him.

"HEY, MARTH? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A FIREMAN!" Roy's voice caming blasting at him like a thousand sirens.

"WHA- I AM NOT A FIREMAN!!" Marth yelled back. It was like the two were holding a conservation over a football field.

_In room 86 in an apartment right across from Marth and Roy's..._

Pikachu and Pichu were watching Marth and Roy, who could be seen clearly through their apartment windows with great interest. It was an odd scene; Roy in one room yelling into a phone to Marth, and Marth in the next room over, yelling back at Roy through another phone, while the apartment room was slowly getting filled with smoke from some flaming curtains, a little rug, and a sad-looking burnt foil wrapped potato.

"Pichu? (_What is going on?)_" Pichu inquired of Pikachu.

"Pika, pika chu pi pikachu. _(Well, it looks like the two are being idiots again.)_" Pikachu replied simply.

"Pi...pichu chu pi? _(should...should we do something?)_" Pichu said worriedly as Marth began throwing the phone at the wall in pure fustration at the sight of smoke drifting out of his room; Roy had set his bedsheets on fire.

"Pikahcu! Pika chu chu pi pika pi pikachu. _(Of course not! Let us just observe from the distance like good little pokemon.)_"

"Pichu! _(Good idea!)_"

As the two watched in amuesment, it appeared Link was having some trouble with Ganadorf...as usual

"Back off! I warn you!" Link said, trembling in a corner holding shee-ahem, I mean his sword in front of Ganadorf who was chuckling in an evil sort of way.

"Haha, no one to help you now Link!" Ganadorf said dangerously and slashed his sword at Link. Link easily dodged it by crawling under the massive giant and then proceeded to run to Roy and Marth's room. At least there he'd be safe.

_Or would he?_

Before Link could even reach the door, the phone rang. While Ganadorf was searching for the vanashing elf, Link made a dash to the phone, praying that Ganadorf didn't hear it. After the second ring Link managed to grasp the phone and lift it off its reciever. "Hello?" Link asked in a professional werid way. "Room 203 how may I help yo- oh, hey Roy. No, no I'm good. Yeah, Ganadorf is looking for me so he can kill me, hm? Ya, ya I know, kick him where it hurts-come again? No Roy that's not one of your ahem "manhood parts" you should be worrying about. Yes Roy, that is a part you should worry abou-" Just then, Link could hear Marth grabbing the phone from Roy.

"Hello fire department?" Marth asked through the phone.

"Er...no, this is Link." Link answered, afraid of what Marth's reaction would be.

"Link?" Marth asked curious. "What are you doing at the fire department?"

"I'm not at the fire department." Link replied, quite irritated. "I'm in my room, trying to get Ganadorf off my back. And it seems I lost him for the time being." Just then he heard Marth yelling at Roy.

"ROY! I TOLD YOU TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!! NOT LINK!!!!"

"WELL SORRY MARTH! THE PHONE IS BROKEN OR SOMETHING!!!! IT'S NOT WORKING WHEN I DIAL 911!" Roy's yells came from the background.

"What? What's going on?" Link asked suspiciously.

"Nothing nothing." Marth replied, hoping Link wouldn't notice the fear in his voice. "Just, having problems with the T.V."

"Then why are you guys wanting to call the Fire Department?" Link asked them once more.

"Arghhhh, gosh dang it Link, why must you persist to ask about every single det-OH MY GOD ROY!!!! DON'T!!!! ROY NO! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Marth's screams thundered through the phone, making Link jump back in surprise.

"Ummmmm...Marth?" Link asked quietly, wondering if they were still alive. Just then, he could hear Marth's cries once more.

"ROY!!!! YOU'RE SWORD IS MADE OUT OF FIRE! IT WON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF YOU CUT DOWN THE CURTAINS!!!! IT WILL SET THE GROUND ON FIRE- OH NO! ROY!!!!!!!! PUT IT OUT!!! PUT IT OUT!!!! PUT...IT...OUUUUTTT!!!! OOOO HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!!! IT'S COMING UP MY LEG ROY!! WHERE'S THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER?"

"There's a fire extinguisher?" Roy asked him all calm and stuff.

"NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME!!!!" Marth screamed at the stupid teen. "Quick! Help me get my pants off-"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Link yelled through the phone. "Marth!!!! Can you hear me? I think we need to have a little talk about your gender attraction."

"Ugh, hm? No Link I'm not...well, you no- OW OW OW OW! IT'S BURNING ME ROY!!!! HURRY HURRY! TAKE MY PANTS OFF!!!! IT'S SO HOT IN HERE!!!!"

"Marth...um, I think you may not realize it but-" Link was cut off by a large hand grasping Link by the scruff of the neck. Turning around he saw Ganadorf smirking at him.

"Gotcha now punk." Ganadorf sneered, holding up his sword. Link cried out in shock and finally kicked Ganadorf where it hurt. Scrunching up into a little ball, he fell to the ground, twitching as he was grasping his...well, you know in pain. Link smirked and decided to head off to room 911 in hurry.

"Teehee, Marth you look fuuuunnnny!" Roy taunted as Marth took off his last remainder of his armor and pants. Marth glared at Roy, who was pointing at his red hearted boxers that were bright and gleaming in the fiery light...on the count their whole room was catching on fire. "You're boxers look like sissy boxers ahahahahahahahahaha!" Roy laughed and laughed and laughed, making Marth's cheeks turn as red as the hearts on his boxers.

"Shu-shut up Roy. " Marth stammered trying to think of a good comeback, but it seemed he was fresh out of ideas. "Ugh, fine, laugh all you want I'm leaving." And with that Marth headed towards the door; Roy laughing too hard to notice. As Marth opened the door, Link dashed head first into the pantsless swordsman in front of him. Hearing the thump on the floor, Roy got up to see what was going on.

"Hiya Link!" Roy said waving at the knocked out elf who was beginning to regain conciousness. "There's a fire in our room so we're trying to put it out." Link peered at the swirling flames that was covering the whole entire living room and kitchen.

"Marth, I thought you said there was something wrong with the T.V.!" Link said angrily towards Marth who was lying on the ground rubbing his sore head. Just then, Link noticed Marth's heart boxers and let out a snicker. "And uh, what's with your wardrobe too?"

"Shut up you!" Marth yelled and tried to hit him but failed miserably because of the dizziness he was now feeling when he got off the floor. Standing up straight, he let himslef cool down. "Well, now you know Link. And now if you'll excuse me, I have a fire department to call." He trudged towards the phone and dialed 911 once more. After waiting a little bit, he now realized that they were busy. _HOW ON EARTH CAN THE FIRE DEPARTMENT BE BUSY?!!!! _Sighing he tried again. Still, it was busy.

"So?" Link asked hopefully. "Are they coming?"

"It's busy!" Marth cried out. "How can it be busy!!!!" Suddenly the phone rang again and this time Roy picked it up.

"Helllloooo? Is this Zelda returning my request for the date schedueled for this evening?" Roy asked

"What the-" Link said but was cut off by Roy stomping on his foot painfully. He shut up immdietely silently cursing as he rubbed his foot.

"Er...no this is Mario."

"Oh! Hey Mario! What's up?" Roy asked happily, not caring that Marth was yelling at him to ask Mario for help.

"Ummm...is this the Fire Department?" Mario asked Roy who looked completely dumbfounded.

"No, this is Roy."

"Oh!!! Hi Roy! I couldn't help noticing that your room is on fire." Mario said bluntly.

"How do you know?" Roy asked the italian dude in amazement.

"Ummm, I can see it from above out room." Mario replied.

"Darn! I thought you were a phsychic or something." Roy pouted, crossing his arms and stupidly dropping the phone while doing so. As Roy itched down to get the phone, Marth stepped on his hand making Roy cry out in pain and got the phone himself.

"Mario? Yes this is Marth, our phone seems to be broken and we can't seem to call 911-what's that? I know that's why I'm asking you guys to-hm? No no no, I thought you were calling to-what? NO! Your phone doesn't work too? How can that be-oh, right...we picked up. Hmmm, any ideas? No, I don't think we have a fire extinguisher...how bout you? No? Darn it!" Link and Roy were noticing that Marth was becoming quite frustrated with this whole fire situation. _How come this phone lines were built so stupidly? _They wondered to themselves.

Marth finally hung up the phone, sighing and ruffled his hair. The fire was spreading throughout the entire room!!!! This was all of Roy's fault! If he was just a bit smarter none of this would have happened. And as for the date with Zelda Roy had requested, well, he was sure that everyone was as stupid to do that. He knew that Zelda wouldn't go out with some obnoxious teen with stupid red hair. Plus, he knew Roy would end up doing something stupid and would most likely drag Zelda along for the ride. Shaking his head, he was trying to get the vivid image out of his head. He turned to Link and looked down. "Well, I guess we just have to wait for the fire to tone down."

Suddenly, they heard Roy's cries coming from the other room. Link and Marth sprinted down the enflamed hallway and saw Roy peering at the phone. "Hey guys look here on what the phone says." Link and Marth peered down at the scribbled handwriting on the side of the telephone reciever.

**ATTENTION ALL MELEE CONTESTANTS:**

**1.) ALL NUMBERS DIALED SUCH AS A PHONE NUMBERS WILL BE PROHIBITED UNLESS DIALING THE NUMBER 1 FIRST**

**2.) ALL NUMBERS DIALED SUCH AS ROOM NUMBERS WILL GO STRAIGHT TO THAT EXACT ROOM**

**3.) FOR EMERGENCIES SUCH AS F.D., P.D. AND PIZZA, PLEASE PRESS THE RED BUTTON FOR THIS USE.**

_Marth screamed and started to press the red button rapidly_

_Roy cheered "PIZZA"_

_Link...well, he just stood there._

**END OF CHAPTER**

**Narrator 1: Wow, that was some stupidity right there eh Narrator 2?**

**Narrator 2: Nah, it was just pure ignorance on the three fellas' part of not looking at the giant red button first.**

**Narrator 1: Ya I guess, wow, who could have missed it?**

**Narrator 2: You**

**Narrator 1: Wha-no way!!!!**

**Narrator 2: Why yes way**

**Narrator 1: No way**

**Narrator 2: Yes way**

**Narrator 1: No way**

**Narrator 2: Yes way**

**Piggy: Piggy's way!**

**(Narrator 1 and 2 lunge at Piggy who was screaming already)**

_Chop_


	9. Christmas Hell Part 1

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 9

Late Chistmas Special of Hell (Oh boy!) Part 1: "There is no such thing as Santa Claus..."

**Narrator 2: Ok, I know it is kinda late for a Chistmas special, but I, as you don't know, was in a band that was in the Rose Parade so I didn't have anytime to help Narrator 1 out. As you know, we create these awful-I mean stupid-crap I mean sh-forget it...together...**

**Narrator 1: YA, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FLAMES I GOT IN MY E-MAILS?????!!!!**

**Narrator 2: Nope. How many did you get? Were any of them mean?**

**Narrator 1: ...**

**Narrator 2: ..."dot dot dot" is not a number, nor an adjective.**

**Narrator 1: ...**

**Narrator 2: uhh...I just told you, that doesn't explain anything to me!  
**

**Piggy: I think Narrator 1 said they were all very sweet and-**

_Chop _

**Narrator 1 (standing over Piggy with Roy's sword): ...**

**Narrator 2: ...ANYWAYS, let's get this story started!**

Back at Room 911, we had left Marth screaming like a maniac pounding the red button while Roy and Link ordered pizza with a different phone. The smelly firemen, finally at long last, arrived and sprayed what was left of the room with lots and lots of water, which made Marth scream even more about his hair getting wet and stuff.

"Roy!!!!" Marth cried who was apparently watching his T.V. show, awaiting the pizza, on his half burnt television set. Do not ask us how it works. It is indeed a plothole...yea. Roy looked up innocently and smiled cheerfully.

"Hiya Marth!" Roy answered back gleefully not noticing that Marth looked like he was about to burst in a homicidal rage and beat the living crap outta the fiery red head and very much not care. "I was just watching 'Powerful Puffy Girls!' Care to join?" Roy turned back to the T.V. ignoring Marth's growl that came from the side of his mouth.

"Roy..." Marth strained, trying to keep calm, "there are three things wrong with your invitation: one: the show is called 'Power Puff Girls', not 'Powerful Puffy Girls'; two: I hate you right now and this show so why would I bother?; and three: If you haven't noticed Roy, our whole room is covered in in ashes henceforth the whole fire disaster, and furthermore the heat totally scorched my dry hair!!!!!" Immedietely Marth glared as Roy stared his usuall blank stare.

"Soooo..." Roy said slowly, "what you're trying to tell me is that this show is not called Powerful Puffy Girls?" Just then Marth practically exploded.

"Forget it Roy!" Marth said furiously. And with that Marth stomped out of the room cursing as he went, leaving Roy back to what he usually did. Slamming his room door, Marth sighed and slowly sat on his- **_THONK!_**

Marth had fallen onto the floor, butt first!

"What the-" Marth got up and rubbed his sore toosh that was now dirty. Cursing once more he finally looked around and nearly fainted! The fire had gotten to his room!!!! Panicing horribly Marth saw that his dresser was no long beautifully white but ugly with burnt marks as his chair had burnt off all of its legs. Luckily the closet was still intact, so none of his most precious things weren't ruined. Apparently, the only thing that was left in his room was a shabby little calendar on the side of his wall, the markers still there as well.

"Hmmm, the whole thing with the tournament has gotten me out of schedule." Marth said to himself, curious about what the date was today. Peering at the calendar, it seemed like it was the month of December. Chuckling slightly, Marth smiled. December was always his favorite month. The snow, the fresh hot cocoa seemed to always cheer him up. Peering at what day it was in December, he started tracing the marked dates. But as he slowly traced onto the day it was, it was until then he let out a horrifying scream!

**Narrator 1: Teehee, ooooh boy this is gonna be good!!!!!**

**Narrator 2: Weird...**

**Narrator 1: Hm? What is?**

**Narrator 2: You're talking now...what was up with you earlier?**

**Narrator 1: Errrr, whatever lets just forget it.**

**Narrator 2: No! It seemed like something was really bothering-**

**Narrator 1: (Takes out Roy's sword)**

**Narrator 2: Gulp!!! Umm, well I wonder how Link and Roy are gonna react to this!!!**

**Narrator 1: Well find out weenie!**

**Narrator 2: Sigh, okay.**

Roy heard a scream, an ear pitching scream. A scream so horrible, Roy thought he was back in his old memories when the clown gave him a balloon of a slug instead of a puppy, and all he could remember was the carnival engulfed in flames, and the screams of the clown. Shuddering in creepiness, he rushed into Marth's room, where he found Marth sprawled across the wooden floor, unconcious and stuff.

"Marth!!!!" Roy dashed to his side. But as he dashed he tripped over a stuck out wooden board and flew, screaming falling right on top of his swordsman roommate. Suddenly Marth jerked up, his eyes as wide as they could go as Roy landed on his...er...um weak "spot" Unfortunately, not noticing, Roy looked up at his pal and smiled eagerly. "Oh Marth! Thank goodness you're awake!!!!"

"Um...Marth?" Roy said uncertainly as Marth's eye began to twitch.

Link was back in his room, which was in fact next door to Marth's and Roy's, finishing off a box of pizza with everything on it; tomatoes, olives, weeds from the hotel garden, those old tenis shoes you never wear anymore because a spider decided to make its nest in it, and lots of other yummy stuff. He was on the last slice, with the portion of the shoe with the spider's nest in it perched on it, and he was about to take a large bite when-

_Crash_

Roy came crashing through the wall that separated the rooms, knocked Link off his chair, and they landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. The portion of your tenis shoe tumbled off the pizza slice, and, upset from the sudden fall, the mother spider and her thousands of near-transparent offspring swarmed out of the shoe, over the ground, and all over Roy and Link.

"What the-Roy! Why did you...oh boy..." Link's voice died in his throat, not because of the baby spider that crawled in and was killed by the closing walls of Link's throat, but because he saw Marth with a look of pure murder on his face crawling through the hole in the wall.

"AHHHH, LINK, HELP ME!!" Roy squealed. Before Link could reply, Roy had rolled him off of him, heaved him up high above his head, and threw Link at the oncoming Marth, who was in Kill-Roy mode. Link crashed into Marth and sent him flying back through the hole in the wall.

"Hahaha, that took care of you!" Roy laughed and turned to walk away, but bumped into a large, barrel of a chest. He looked up to see the villainous face and evil yellow-red eyes of Ganondorf staring down at him. "Heheh...hi Ganondork- I mean, Ganondorf..." Roy's weak voice trailed off as Ganondorf's eyes narrowed and he cracked his knuckles meaningfully.

"What are you doing here?" Ganon asked quietly.

"Er, nothing, I didn't want to come here, Marth-"

"**SPEAK WHEN YOU ARE SPOKEN TO!!!**" Ganondorf roared as he grabbed Roy by the throat and hurled him through the wall, making another hole. Link's room was getting pretty trashed up. Roy crashed through the wall and flew across Marth's room and bounced off the far wall. Something fluttered off the damaged wall and landed square on Roy's face; it was Marth's calendar. Sitting upright and holding it in front of him, Roy waited for the stars clear out of his head, then peered curiously at it.

"HEY MARTH, WHAT IS THIS...CHRIS-T-MAZE THINGY??" Roy yelled at Marth, who was lying on the ground with Link's fatness still on top of him only like four feet away. Still in Kill-Roy mode, Marth effortlessly threw Link off of him into the waiting arms of Ganondorf ("Eek!" Link squeaked) and began to draw his sword as he advanced on Roy.

"Wha- hold on a sec there, Marth!" Roy held out the calendar in front of him and cowered behind it as though some paper could provide the protection of a solid steel wall, which it obviously had, as Marth stopped and was trying to get around the calendar and at Roy. "I only wanted to know what this chis-t-maze thingy is! It's only a couple days away!"

"It is not 'chis-t-maze', it's Christmas, you idiot!" Marth roared at Roy and attempted a slash at Roy's legs, which he avoided by jumping back. Roy was getting very irritated now that Marth was constantly treating him like an idiot and was calling him bad names, not to mention he was also trying to kill him.

"WHATEVER! I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS CALLED, I WANNA KNOW WHAT IT IS!!" Roy threw the calendar at Marth's face in his fury, giving Marth the smallest papercut on his cheek.

"OWW!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID NOW!!" Marth promptly dropped his sword and clutched his cheek as if he was trying to stem any blood loss, although the cut was so shallow, it did not even show a drop of blood. "Now it's gonna get infected and my face will turn all red and purple and ugly!"

"But you're face is already ugly!" Roy mentioned, oblivious to the fact that Marth was streaming with anger and that he was merely making it worse.

"What are you implying?" Marth growled at Roy, who was still cowering behing nothing at all muahahahaha! Roy started to shake madly and put his hands over his face.

"Marth!!! Now you're gonna make my face ugly!!!!" Roy cried out as Marth drew his long, glowing, pointy sword thingymabobber. Just as Marth was going to slash Roy, although in my opinion he wouldn't have done it anyway, but ANYWAY, just as Marth was going to kill Roy, Link came out from behind screaming as he went by.

"Run for your lives-oh, hi Marth! RUN FOR YOUR LIVESS!!!!!!!!" Link screeched and ran away when Ganondorf came into the picture stomping around and making the ground rumble and stuff. Marth had to grab Roy for balance so Marth wouldn't accidently trip and fall over and look stupid. But he did that anyway except Roy fell on top of him as Ganondorf reached out for Link who was running around screaming.

"Okay, all I wanted to know what this whole CHRIS-T-MAZE thingy was all about...but No-o, I have to be falling on Marth when he's trying to kill me, and Link is acting like a maniac, and Ganondorf is still hideously ugly!"

Suddenly, all the rumbling stopped, Link was on the ceiling somehow, and Marth was scooching away from the red-head who was now in for a wild beating. Ganondorf slowly approached Roy and clutched him around the neck and squeezed it very tightly. Roy's face was already purple by then.

"Oh!!!!" Marth said jumping up and down excitedly. "Now who has the ugly purple face huh? huh?!!! Ohhhhh what now!" Then Marth went into breakdancing mode while Link, Roy, and Ganondorf stopped to stare stupidly at the weird guy trying to act black although he was like an asian who looked white with blue hair and stuff.

After Marth was done and stopped to watch Roy get strangled, Ganondorf looked into Roy's eyes, his eyes turning like a homicidal murderer or something like that. "What did you call me earlier pansy?" At that moment Roy stopped choking and stuff and turned to Marth who was looking as if he was about to crack up laughing.

"Now that's just mean Ganondorf!" Roy said fiercely even though he was getting strangled. "Marth isn't a pansy!!" Marth scoffed and turned away hiding back the tears thinking Ganondorf called him a pansy.

"What the crap? What kinda name is a pansy?" Link called from the ceiling. "Wait...WHAT IS A PANSY??"

"Quote: A male homosexual or a weak, effeminate, often cowardly man." Roy replied all smart and stuff.

"HOMOSEXUAL!!!!" Marth cried out furiously. Link peered at the fuming man and shrugged his shoulders slightly nodding his head a few times then just standing there stupidly.

"Meh, not that much." Link said to Marth who was about to quit this fanfic right about now. Marth turned to the elf and smiled brightly.

"Thank you for your support Link." Marth said thankfully.

"Oh no, it's not like that." Link said flatly. "It's just that I'd go for the weak, effeminate often cowardly part. Although homosexual does seem like that too." Then Link went into deep thought, not bothering to see that Marth was about to kick his butt.

"By the way," Ganondorf blurted out as well (it seemed he dropped Roy and was now in the discussion of Marth being a pansy even though it was supposed to be Roy), "what is a homosexual?"

"Quote:," Roy began...but-

"Shut-up Roy!" Marth yelled at the boy who started this whole conflict.

"But they wanted to know..." Roy whined but Marth smacked him across the head with the shabby little calendar.

"OOH! OOH!! LEMME SEE THAT!" Link dropped down from the ceiling on top of Marth and wrestled the calendar from him. He glanced at it, then waved it crazily above his head. "LOOK, LOOK! IT IS ONLY 2 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!! WOOT!"

Ganondorf hooked arms with Link and they began dancing in a circle chanting "2 days until Christmas" while Marth was holding Roy back who wanted to join them. Roy then began jumping all over Marth and slapping him.

"What is Chris-t-maze, Marth? What is Chris-t-maze, Marth?" Roy demanded repeatedly, slapping Marth silly. Link jumped over to Roy and put his arm around him, while Ganondorf joined him.

"I'll tell you what Chris-t-maze! It's when you dress up all scary and stuff and go door to door and get free candy and stuff!" Link said brightly. Ganondorf's face went blank, and Marth smacked him with a calendar.

"That's Halloween, stupid!" Marth began, but Roy booted him outta the way and stared at Link intently.

"Free...free candy??" Roy stared hard at Link.

"Sorry mate, that's for Halloween, this is Christmas." Roy then turned and began slapping Marth again.

"MARTH, WHAT IS HALLOWEEN??" Marth shoved Roy away angrily. "Roy stoppit! We'll tell you about that when it comes around next year! But right now, Christmas is more important!" Link came over again and put his arm around Roy again and Ganondorf joined them again.

"Christmas is better than Halloween!" Link started to say, but Roy promptly slapped him. "WHAT CAN BE BETTER THAN FREE CANDY??" Roy yelped.

"Free candy...and presents!!" At this, Roy's blue eyes grew all bright like a little boy's. "Presents?"

"Yea, Santa Claus comes around every year and gives presents to all the good little boys and girls!" Roy stared at Link in wonder. "Will we be able to meet him?" Roy asked.

"No, he comes when you are sleeping..." Link began, but Roy screamed at this.

"HE MIGHT STEAL ALL MY CANDY AND DOLLIES AND VIDEOS OF BARNEY AND STUFF WHEN I AM ASLEEP!!" Roy wailed.

"Enough, ENOUGH!!" Marth roared. Everybody turned to stare. Marth came over and thrust his face close to Roy's ("You have a mole on your nose", Roy said. "Shut it!" Marth yelled). "You will not have to worry about that, 'cuz Santa _isn't real_."

Suddenly, everything froze. And I mean everything...

**Narrator 2: Wait! If everything froze, then why are we still typing?**

**Narrator 1: I dunno, stop making everything so diificult!**

**Narrator 2: I'm not it's just-**

**Narrator 1: Fine fine alright!!!! God, nevermind. Everything is back to normal no freezing things. God, I just wanted this part to be like a dramatic affect!**

**Narrator 2: Or you could have just said it was a plothole!**

**Narrator 1: ...**

**Narrator 2: Here we go again with the "dot dot dot" thing! Oh my god, fine, back to the show!**

"What did you just say?!" Link gasped!

Ganondorf cried and ran away, all of his hopes and dreams of being one of Santa's helpers, crushed!

Roy started to laugh at Marth's mole.

"Yes Link," Marth said, "There is no such thing as Santa Claus."

Link jumps on him...

**Narrator 1: End of chapter!**

**Narrator 2: Stay tuned for part two: Christmas shopping!**

**Narrator 1: Hahahaha! Oh man I cannot wait! Sneeze**

**Narrator 2: Ewwwww, bless you though**

**Narrator 1: Shut the _bleep _up! Oh, and thank you though**

**Piggy: Look at me, I'm gonna aliv-**

_Chop_


	10. Christmas Hell Part 2

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 10

Late Christmas Special Of Hell

Part 2: Christmas Shopping!!!!

**Narrator 1: OoO I gotta text message!**

**Narrator 2: Don't you feel special.**

**Narrator 1: I do! not**

**Narrator 2: ...**

**Narrator 1: Ohhh now you're doing the "dot dot dot" thing**

**Narrator 2: Come here Piggy! Let's do this thing together!**

**Narrator 2 and Piggy (unison): ...**

**Narrator 1: Whatever, on with the show**

**Piggy: ..-**

_Chop_

**Piggy's Ghost: Every freakin' time**

In Part 1, Marth made the idiotic mistake of telling a raw chicken eating elf, a gullible pyromaniac teen, and a hulking monster-villain dude who dreams of becoming one of Santa's "little" helpers that Santa was not real. We go now to where the hotel...or at least what is left of the hotel.

All that is left of the hotel are the crumbling walls full of holes from people repeatedly thrown through them, the burnt floors and stairs barely intact, and all the doors except for the front door to the hotel was ripped off of their hinges. The front door was hanging limply open, and the little doormat that said 'welcome' now said 'DANGER'. Also, there were pools of water all over the place. This was the doing of 3 people; Ganondorf's strength that threw Marth through the walls (hence all the holes), Roy's fiery sword, which burned through the floors and stairs, and Link's weirdness that made him rip off all the doors for no apparent reason. The pools of water was from Ganondorf and all his baby-ish crying and stuff. We now witness Roy and Ganondorf fighting on the bottom floors, while Link and Marth were wrestling eachother through the walls.

"SAY IT!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT NOW!"

"NEVER!"

"SAY OR I'LL SCREAM!"

"YOU ALREADY ARE SCREAMING!!!!"

"SMART-MOUTH!"

"DRESS WEARING ELF!"

"STUPID HAIR BOY!"

"STUPID ELF BOY!"

"I HATE YOU!"

"NO YOU DON'T!"

"FINE! I DON'T LIKE YOU AT THIS MOMENT!"

"NO DUH SHERLOCK!"

"MY NAME ISN'T SHERLOCK!"

"I KNOW THAT'S WHY I CALLED YOU IT!"

"SAY IT OR I'LL THROW YOU IN THE HOLE!"

"NOT IF I THROW YOU IN FIRST!"

Marth and Link apparently were not getting along. Over and over and over and over they were fighting about if Santa Claus existed or not. Link suddenly pushes Marth through the hole while Marth grabs the ocarina player down wih him. As Roy is cornered by Ganondorf, Marth and Link are falling through each floor from the top still fighting about their differences. As for Roy and Ganondorf, I guess they got bored and decided to make the fanfic more...uh...interesting I should say.

"Say good-bye punk!" Ganondorf sneers and is about ready to do his smash attack on poor Roy who is still whimpering by the corner, not wanting to get hit by an ugly man!!! As Ganondorf struck, Marth and Link came tumbling down and on top of the gruesome villian who was knocked out instantly and narrowly missed Roy who jumped out of the way at the last second.

"Good-bye!" Roy said happily skipping around like God loved him or something like that. With the three men knocked out, it was up to Roy to make things better. "Teehee!" Roy runs back up to Marth's room and grabs one of the markers where the calendar used to be and ran back down towards the three unconcious men. "This is for no good reason!" Roy said triumphantly and started to scribble and draw on each of his companions' faces. When he finished, he laughed for about ten minutes or so and then ran off to join the other evacuated members of the Super Smash tournament, who apparently left when the ruckus started.

_Some hours later..._

"Uhh...my head."

Marth opened his eyes, then closed them, then opened them again, then closed them again, then repeated the process like 10 more times before his vision finally focused and everything wasn't so blurry. What he was doing was called, "blinking". If you didn't know this, I suggest you start taking notes on it. Actually there was nothing really to focus on, just a screen of green...and it smelt horrible...Marth froze as he felt a warm gust of a breeze come out of the green screen.

"WHAT THE CRAP- AHHHHH!!! LINK!! GET YOUR BUTT OUTTA MY FACE!!! BEFORE I VOMIT ALL OVER IT!!!" Marth completely freaked out. He freaked out so bad, he threw Link across the hotel through all the holes in the walls and out of the hotel and around the world 3 times before Link came to a skidding stop back next to Marth again. "Ow"

Furious that Link would just go and sit and fart in his face like that, Marth turned to beat the poo out of Link, but stopped and, with a horrified cry, threw himself behind the still-unconscious Ganondorf and held him up like a shield. Link looked at him blankly.

"What's up with you Marth? First you throw me around the world like 3 times, then you start screaming at me!!" Link began to cry. Did nobody love him?

"Look-look at your face!!" Marth thrusted a broken shard of what used to be part of a magnificent mirror (probably Marth's) at him.

"Why is it always about my face?" Link grumbled as he grabbed the shard and looked at it. He was so suprised at it, and alarmed, that he threw it down and began attacking it with his sword.

"Wha-what are you doing!??" Marth spluttered as the shard was being broken up into a million pieces.

"I looked-smash smash- like a-some more smashing-weird crazy lunatic!!!!" Link looked up at Marth who looked completely terrified.

"Er...Link," Marth began, "You kinda act like it more than you look it but...ya, you're face seems to have streams of colors on it making you look more scary than usual." Just then, Link stopped and began to point at Marth profoundly and started to laugh like the time he saw Marth in his hearted boxers.

"What the- Link! Why are you laughing at me? I know the truth hurts but that doesn't mean you have to make fun of my good looks!" Marth said crossing his arms, averting his eyes.

Link let out a snicker..."Mmmf..ya, okay Marth!" Link managed to say before he fell onto the floor laughing once more.

"Fine!" Marth said, "We will see how you like it when I find out you're bluffing!" Frustrated, Marth took out his pocket mirror and opened it so he could see his beautiful-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GASP GASP WHEEZE WHEEZE...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Now can you see?" Link said smirking.

"I look like-I look like a-a-a-...a-!"

"Well come on spit it out!" Link said eagerly.

**"I LOOK LIKE A GIRL!!!!!"**

**LINK: GASP**

**ROY: GASP**

**GANONDORF: GASP**

**NARRATOR 1: GASP**

**NARRATOR 2: GASP**

**EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD: GASP**

**Piggy: ...What's so suprising about that?**

_Chop_

**Narrator 1: Wait a second!**

**Narrator 2: Hm?**

"You look like a girl everyday!" Link said pointing at the crying...he-she kneeling before him. "I thought you looked more like a clown thingy." Marth looked up and glared.

"I am not a girl, nor do I look like one!" Marth cried out, hurtful and all sensitive and stuff. He finally stood up and brushed himself off.

"What I want to know is who did it!" Link thought, and thought, and thought some more, and thought a lot more, then thought till Marth started thinking too, then he grew gray hair as he thought, then ate a cheeseburger as he thought, then started singing as he thought then-

"I've got it!" Marth said, his finger pointing up in the air and stuff.

"The sky did it!" Link said in awe, "I figured it out too!" Just then Marth threw a piece of rubble at the elf.

_**THONK**_

"Owwww, why'd ya do that for?" Link said rubbing his head gently. "That hurt!"

"It was Roy you moron!" Marth yelled at Link who was utterly dumbstruck

"Ohhh..." Link said finally. Suddenly Marth grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the hotel.

"Where are we going?" Link asked the girly-looking Marth.

"To go find Roy!" Marth replied. "And I'm not girly-looking!"

When the two had left, everyone sorta stood around, then they got bored, and because the hotel was ruined and there was nothing to do, they all left...

_Several hours later..._

"Wow I feel like crap..." Ganondorf finally awakes after being in something like a sort of short coma. He got up groggily, and looking about, found that he was completely alone...it was dark...the moon was out...wolves were howling in the distance and owls hooting as well...

"I'm...I'm all alone..." Ganondorf sniffed. "Hey what's this?" He picked up something shiny off the ground, and peered into it; it was Marth's pocket mirror that Marth had left behind accidently because he was thinking too much to remember it. As he looked into it, he saw a hideous monster!! With a yelp he dropped it and cowered for a bit, thinking there was a monster living in the mirror. Finally he picked it up again, and looked in it again, and finally realized it was his reflection he was looking at.

"Everyone left me...'cuz...'cuz I'm a monster!!!" Ganondorf began to wail and cry and stuff and there was lightning and thunder and that half-eaten cheeseburger of Marth's and all that stuff that is scary. "WHO DID THIS TO ME!?" He suddenly spotted some gray hair's that looked like Marth's and on the back of the pocket mirror was Marth's name. "MARTH, I VOW THAT I WILL FIND YOU, AND WHEN I DO, I WILL THINK OF SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO DO TO YOU TO MAKE YOU PAY!! LIKE, DRAW ON YOUR FACE WITH A MARKER OR SOMETHING." Ganon howled at the sky, which didn't care at all for what the hideous man had to say, so it brought some storm clouds over and stuck Ganondorf with lightning.

"Ow"

_Meanwhile, back with Marth and Link and their hunt for Roy..._

"Marth...you know how it's gonna be Christmas and stuff?" Link asked as they walked across town in search for Roy.

Marth slapped himself in the head. "Oh man! I totally forgot about Christmas!" He looked towards the sky and saw the moon was up and the stars were scattered across everywhere. "Tomorrow's gonna be the twenty-fourth!"He grasp Link's shoulders and started to shake the elf madly. "And we haven't done any Christmas shopping yet!" He let go of Link who was dazed and moaned like he was gonna be sick.

Link patted Marth on the back. "It's okay buddy, I'm sure we'll think of something." Link said trying to cheer up his friend. The marker make-up was washed off due the constant times Marth needed to use the restroom and everything seemed the be restored except Roy was just missing in action! As they walked up and down the streets in search for Roy, Link noticed a certain store open.

_It was DungMart!!!!!_

Link let out a cry of shock. He ran towards Marth who looked down in the dumps and tugged on his shirt/armor. "Marth! Look look!!! DungMart is open!!!!" Marth gasp and turned to see that sure enough, DungMart was open! This was the perfect time to go Christmas shopping.

"Let's go!!!!" Marth said gleefully and together they skipped towards the store until Marth stopped abruptly and turned back towards the ruined hotel. Link paused, slightly confused.

"Marth? What's up?" Link asked.

"Roy." Marth answered dully. "Roy's still out there, and I don't want him to cause anymore damage to the town!" Marth lunged out and took out his sword. Link finally did the same. Turning around towards Link, Marth shook his head. "NO"

"No what?"

"You can't come."

"Why not?"

"Christmas shopping remember?"

"Oh right!" Link put back his sword and headed off towards DungMart while Marth went the opposite way, in search for his pyromaniac friend/ irritating clingly spider thing.

"I'll meet you back here alright?" Marth called back to Link who still hadn't entered the store yet.

"All right!" Link called back. And with that, Link bravely entered the store.

**Narrator 1: Alright, now that Marth's outta of the picture for now, this is Link's time to shine!**

**Narrator 2: I needa get my banner that says "GO LINK!"**

**Narrator 1: But...you don't have a 'Go Link' banner!**

**Narrator 2: Wha-**

**Narrator 1: You have a 'Go Marth' one remember?**

**Narrator 2: Oh right...haha Link is so unloved!**

**Narrator 1: Sigh tell me about it**

This was a dangerous mission; strange people wearing the same clothes were everywhere!! All of them were smilling and wanted to talk to him for some reason. Maybe they though he had something important...like...his magical ocarina...or...maybe his secret stash of candy. Yes!! That is it!! They wanted his candy!! But how could they have known? He made sure it was as secret as possible! Plus the prices here were outrageous!!!

_Flashback..._

Link had purchased a bag of jellybeans which had cost him a ridiculous $6.50and was walking out of the store when an officer type person came up to him and stopped him.

"Excuse me sir, have you paid for all of your purchases?" He asked simply. Of course Link has paid for all of his stuff, so he answered yes.

"Are you sure you are not trying to steal any candy?" The man asked again. Link was getting irritated now, so he simply showed him his receipt.

"Then...what is THIS?" The man reached for a bulge in Link's pocket and pulled out a bag of mashed, warm and melted candy.

"AAHHHHH!!! YOU FOUND MY SECRET STASH OF SECRET CANDY THAT IS SECRET!!! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL MY SECRET CANDY!!!" Link in rage attacked the poor man who was just trying to do his job.

_Back in the present..._

"Hello sir, do you need help with anything?" One of Dungmart's employees asked him politely.

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT MY SECRET CANDY OF SECRETISM OF SECRETNESS!!!!!!! NOO, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT, IT'S MINE!!!!!!!"**

"What the crap-please sir, calm down, all I-"

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"**

**Narrator 1 (almost falls off of chair): WHOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!**

**Narrator 2: stupid**

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"**

_3 seconds later..._

We see Link running away pushing a cart full of random gifts and presents, while behind him Dungmart was burning, completely demolished. The poor guy who, in Link's mind, tried to steal Link' secret stash of secret candy that is secret in secretism of secretness is lying under the rubble somewhere...

_Back in the town..._

"Roy!!!! Roo-oooy!!!!" Marth was calling randomly trying to see if any other stored were open, that way, he could get some gifts for his...wait, did he even count these people as friends? Shrugging the thought off, he continued to search for Roy. That was until he saw a store open that seemed like a decent place to shop for Christmas presents! Smiling in relief he went inside calmly, that was until he saw Roy in there beating up the only employee working there, a fatty old bearded man who was sceaming as Roy was trying to set him on fire!

"Com'on old man!" Marth heard Roy yell. "Show me watcha got!"

"No please! Get away from me! Help! 911! HELP ME! I'M BEING ATTACKED!" But everybody was sleeping, so they didn't care what would happen to the fatty old bearded man. Poor fat old bearded man.

"Roy!" Marth said angrily shoving Roy off the storekeeper who started to cry. He looked up at Marth and screamed as well.

"Take anything you want! Just PLEASE, DON'T HURT ME!" The man squealed and made a run for the exit, and thanfully, Marth allowed the poor man to do this. Slowly Marth turned around and saw Roy on the ground rubbing his sore head. Roy took one look at Marth and smiled weakly.

"Uhh...hi Marth! Fancy seeing you here-Eep!!!" Marth grabbed Roy by the scruff of the neck and looked at Roy angrily.

"Where have you been?" Marth asked darkly.

"Well, uh...funny story actually, but um..." Roy was sweating a lot, which Marth could see that the boy was scared, but Marth didn't really care all that much.

"See after you took that painful fall on Ganondorf," Roy began, still sweating nervously, "I got scared and fled and madesure to tell Master Hand what happened to the Super Smash Mansion. After that, I decided to let you and Link wake up by yourselves and then I decided to go Christmas shopping for you and Link! Then, nobody would let me in for god knows why, (Marth rolled his eyes), until this store but then that icky old man told me they were closing up and I got angry Marth! I really did! It was all for you though!!!" Roy made puppy dog eyes which made Marth roll his eyes in disgust. He finally dropped Roy and went down the aisles to look around for presents. Roy scrambled to his feet and began to follow Marth.

"Sooooo, have you gotten any presents for our fellow Smash contestants yet?" Roy asked as he stayed his distance away from the angry swordsman.

"I had Link get them." Marth answered flatly taking a look at the mirrors they were selling.

"Wait...but Link said that Santa was supposed to bring them!" Roy contradicted annoyingly. Marth stopped and turned to glare.

"Roy how many times have I told you...THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS-"

"MARTH! ROY!" A voice called in the distance. Roy and Marth turned to see Link dashing towards them with a big heavy bag on his shoulders smiling excitedly.

"Link!" Marth said gawking at the bag. "How did you get all these gifts?" Marth asked him. Link shrugged.

"Let's just say I got a 100 discount."

Suddenly the T.V. behind the counter started to get really loud so the swordsmen decided to see what was going on on the news.

"izzzzzzgggggggffffff-"Dungmart fzzzzzgfffhat-detroyed...I repeat Dungmart has been destro-"-

_**WABAMM CRASH SMASH QKUDFJQWKDQJHWFMWDK!!!!**_

"Well...how bout dinner everyone?" Link said standing over the T.V., Sheela in his right hand, "my treat!"

Marth slapped his head and Roy cheered!

**Narrator 1: End of Part 2!**

**Narrator 2: (pokes Narrator 1 in the belly)**

**Narrator 1: Nooo, my tummy-bleh!! (barfs)**

**Narrator 2: ewww!!! (barfs)**

**Narrator 1's mom: What is going on- (barfs)**

**Piggy: (barfs)**

**Link: holy sh-(barfs)**

**Marth: Oh no-(barfs)**

**Roy: Yey!!!! (barfs)**

**Everyone that is reading this: (barfs)**

**Your mom: (barfs)**

**Your sister (or sibling or cousin or dog): (barfs)**

**Bird outside window: (barfs)**

**God (or whatever you worship, like a tree or something): (barfs)**

**THE END**

**(BARFS)**


	11. Christmas Hell Part 3

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 11

Late Christmas Special of Hell

Part 3: "Marth and Santa..."

**Narrator 1: Mmmmmm...my tummy feels better...**

**Narrator 2: Mine still feels a little queasy... (looks like it is about to barf)**

**Narrator 1: Don't! (Grabs Link's shield and cowers behind it)**

**Link: Hey! Gimme Lola back! (Grabs out for his shield)**

**Narrator 1 and 2: Huh? (Give him a questioning look)**

**Link: Er...I mean...uh...GIMME BACK MY SHIELD!!!!!**

**Narrator 1: (Throws shield at Link's head) Fine! Take your stupid shield back!!!!**

_Clang!_

**Link: ow, that really hurt.**

**Narrator 2: ...You're not acting like it. (Link falls over unconscious) Oh...oh boy...**

**Narrator 1: Whoops...I have bad aim**

**Narrator 2: Nah, you nailed him in the head! That was a pretty good headshot! You're a natural...at whatever you just did...**

**Narrator 1: I guess...I hope Link gets better before we start our fanfic!**

**Piggy: He won't! Look at him! He's unconscious!!! How can you do that to one of your main characters?**

**Narrator 1: Main character. Look, I have to say, Lonk-**

**Piggy: LINK!!!!**

**Narrator 1: Right, Lank-**

**Piggy: You idiot it's LINK!!!**

**Narrator 1: Shut-up! Lemme finish! Alright...Luke-**

**Narrator 2(thinking): It's amazing Piggy made it this far without getting killed-**

_Chop_

**Narrator 1 (standing over Piggy's dead body): Grrr...I told you Piggy! I don't care what "whatever-his-name-is's" name!!! Besides, Link is better, right Link?**

**Lonk-er I mean Luke...dang it-Lank-gosh darn it-Lola? "Whatever-his-name-is": Ya...I'm okay.**

**Narrator 2(balancing dangerously on edge of chair): Mmmmmmmm whooOOOOAAAAA mmmmmmmmmm...**

**Narrator 1: Ya whatever Narrator 2 (Pushes Narrator 2 off chair)**

**Narrator 2: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! **

_**BANG CLASH KABOOM KDHIUQVNWEJVGBW!!!!!!!**_

**Narrator 1 (laughing at Narrator 2 who fell off their chair): Onward to the last and final chapter of our christmas special!**

**Narrator 2: Ughhhhh...**

The swordsmen were all somewhat happy, 'cuz Link got them all lots of gifts, though even Link didn't know what was in the gifts, as he grabbed all the wrapped boxes in the window displays and stuff. And some of us know from experience that those boxes are phony and they are simply empty wrapped boxes with no toys or play-dough or a Jack-in-the-box ready to traumatize young children in them.

**Narrator 1: It's the government's fault!!!! Grrr...**

**Narrator 2: SHUT IT!!! I AM TRYING TO NARRATE THE STORY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.**

Anyways, 'twas the night before Christmas Eve, not Christmas day people, and everyone was a bit excited as they went to bed (yea, the three made it back to Super Smash Bros. Mansion, which was mysteriously repaired and looked as though nothing had happened, though there was that annoying pink border on it). In fact, Roy was so excited, that he kept on wriggling around in his bed, which annoyed Link and Marth who were in the same room to no end, so they got some earplugs so they could sleep. But Roy kept on wriggling and wriggling, and before he knew it, he had wriggled off the bed onto the burnt floor. The floor was charred from Roy's fiery attacks and Pokemon electricity as he had forcefully kicked out the former roommates (Pichu, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff) and claimed the room for him and his 'friends'. Then Roy was wriggling out of the room, then down 7 flights of stairs (Roy: Ow...ow...ow...ow...ow...), then through the Great Hall and finally at a rest under the great Christmas tree with all the presents for everyone under it. He unwrapped himself from his bedsheet and peeked around at the pile of presents, which happened to be the pile Link got for the three of them.

"Hmmmmmm..." Roy looked around to see that he was unobserved, then, ducking under a creepy looking ReDead ornament wearing a tutu much too small for it, he pulled his presents to him. Sadly enough, although Roy did not notice it, all the presents he got were all from Link; no one else had thought of a present for the fiery boy. He looked around furtively again, then started to carefully...quietly and carefully...open-

_**RIIIIIIIIP TEAR SNARL CRASH BANG BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!!!!  
**_

Within 0.2413 milliseconds Roy was sitting among the shredded remains of the gift wrappings and boxes and stuff...but something was wrong! He looked around, bewildered. Where was that flame-breathing action figure that he wanted so badly? So badly that he painted 'I WANT THIS TOY' all over the Mansion's walls, inside and out! WHERE WAS IT?? Gripping his red hair in slowly growing panic, he looked about, then began searching through the shreds of gift stuff, hoping that he had not shredded his toy in the process of premature Christmas present opening. He began to panic, when he noticed he had somehow missed another gift from Link. Much more carefully now, he peeled the gift apart, layer by layer, so that he might not destroy its contents. Finally, after a considerable time, he had made a hole, and he peered inside.

_It was EMPTY..._

All that Link could remember was that he was dreaming of happier times in the land of Hyrule...riding Epona over the grassy hills and Zelda with him...Then EVERYTHING WAS ON FIRE. HIS HAIR AND THAT STUPID HAT OF HIS AND HIS TUNIC AND HIS BOOTS AND HIS NOSE HAIR AND STUFF WAS ON FIRE!! He awoke abruptly to see that Roy was attacking him!!! Roy was attacking him because all the presents Link gave him were the EMPTY BOXES FROM THE DISPLAY WINDOWS OF DOOM!!! (and government based)

"Ow!!!! Roy-OW!!!! STOPPIT!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING-OW??!" STOP!!!!!! MARTH!!!!!!!!!" Link cried as he tried to fend off Roy's vicious attacks. "HELP ME MARTH!!!! ROY'S CRAZY!" Marth awoke beside him with an abrupt start, his eyes baggy with exhaustion and rubbed his eyes a little.

"Link...isn't Roy ALWAYS crazy?" When Marth opened his eyes, he gasped as he saw Link on the hard wooden floor begging for mercy with Roy on top of him, his sword slashing around violently. Luckily since Roy was so angry, he missed Link horribly and instead began to yell at him. Randomly popcorn appeared by Marth's bedside, and happily he grabbed a few and popped them into his mouth and began to watch the comical show.

"YOU...DIDN'T...GET...ME...ANY...CHRISTMAS...PRESENTS!!!!" Roy screamed, shattering all the windows and mirrors (not to mention Marth's newly bought one) and began to howl and cry and do the little indian yelp as he narrowly misses Link's head with his sword. In horror Link saw Roy's eyes...and they weren't blue anymore...

"Roy (dodge)...I (dodge)...did get you (dodge dodge)...christmas presents!" Link panted as he rolled around the floor escaping Roy's fiery down attack that surprisingly did not burn up the floor again.

**Narrator 1: Plothole...**

**Narrator 2: Hmmmm...**

"NO YOU DIDN'T YOU FILTHY COW LICKING ELF LOOPING SUSIE DROOPING REDNECK WHITE TRASH PANSY!!!" Roy yelled and swatted at the elf boy once more. Link easily dodged it by crawling under the enflamed boy...but suddenly stopped, a confused look spreading across his face.

"Filthy cow licking elf looping susie drooping redneck white trash pansy?????!!!" Link repeated, aghast. "But Roy," Link pleaded looking up at the distraught swordsman, "I'm not even white! And what the heck does redneck mean????!!!"

"Quote: An uneducated, white farm laborer, esp. from the South." Marth answered chewing his popcorn eagerly, awaiting for what was going to happen next. He was actually hoping they would kill eachother, then Marth could happily live in peace.

"WHAT THE HECK?" Link said angrily getting up and pushing Roy away from him. He should really get one of those restraining orders on this guy!!! "I'm an elf Roy!!! And I'm not a laborer and I'm not living in the South farming!!!!" Marth then spoke up.

"What about the uneducated part?" Marth asked curiously.

"Hmmm..." Link stopped at this and thought to himself. _'Of course I'm educated!!! I know what 2 plus 2 equals!!! It's **fish** for crying out loud! Hmph, I cannot believe Marth would even ask that question! And we all know I'm the best speller in the class! Even though Young Link has fire based attacks, I can still conjure up some spells myself!_ He frowned and crossed his arms defiantly.

"Well, I guess we can all naturally assume." Marth snickered silently, hoping Roy would spring and attack the elf man any minute now...

"Well...fine! So what if you're not white!" Roy said angrily clutching his sword tightly. "I don't care about you being a white lamborer thingymabobber, all I care about is that you didn't get me anything for christmas!!!!!" Link stood there in his dumbfounded stance completely... well...dumbfounded I guess.

"Hey...wait a sec!" Link said looking as though he had solved the Black Dahlia (but he didn't), "Roy, you're not even supposed to be opening the presents!! How could you do that! It's not even christmas eve!! And it's laborer, not "lamborer!"

"Well it's a good thing I did or else Marth and I wouldn't be getting any christmas pressents!!! Laborer lamborer same difference!" Roy remarked as Marth backed into his bed some more. Marth shuddered at the thought of him getting christmas presents from Link! Or even worse...ROY!

"That is pretty odd." Marth piped up, trying to change the subject a little bit. If he was going to have Link and Roy perish, he'll just put some exlaxe in their drinks and then run away as they go to the bathroom to do their "business!"

"What is?" Link asked.

"The fact that Roy said all the christmas presents were empty." Marth replied scratching his chin trying to look all smart and stuff. "Link, where exactly did you get the presents? Or better yet, how did you manage to find the time to wrap them all up?" This mystery was sure indeed boring, but what the heck, Marth did not need Roy screaming anymore. If Roy had done it a few more times, someone would probably end up kicking them outta the mansion! Then he would be helplessly stuck in the middle of nowhere with two idiots walking along side him!!! Oh the horror!!!

"Oh! It was easy!" Link said happily relaxing a little bit now that Roy had ceased his fiery attacks on him. "They were already wrapped and stuff! And they didn't even had a pricetag on them! They musta been free or something! As for their location, well apparently they put them by the windows so everyone can see them! Isn't that cool Marth? Huh? Isn't it?"

Marth slapped his face in frustration and Roy looked as though he was about to cry. "Link!" Marth shouted furiously staring the poor stupid elf boy down, "those presents had nothing inside them!!! They're merely decorations not something to purchase! Think Link!!!! Think for once!!! They were by the windows just to tell all the stupid forgettful people-"

"Like us." Roy blurted out.

"Yes, like- hey!!! Link is the one here that got the god-forsaken presents!" Marth said glaring at Roy for his uncalled remark against his intelligence. "Anyways, they just put those presents there to make the store look nice and make it seem they have good things for people to give other people as gifts." Marth let out a huge sigh and let Link reply.

"Oh..." Link said stupidly, his voice dying away in the process.

"So...so...so...no presents for Roy?!!" Roy asked Marth, tears dripping down from his quivering lips.

"Yes Roy, that is correct." Marth answered grimly. "But don't worry-"

**"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"**

Marth stumbled backwards covering his ears unable to sustain the madness!!!! Link had tripped over something and was lying on the floor, face down. Marth couldn't really tell if Link was dead or not. But then again, Roy would probably kill Link for what he had done. So basically Link was screwed. "Please Roy!" Marth begged the bawling brat, "shut up!!! People are going to hear you!!!"

**"LET THEM HEAR MARTH!!!! LET THEM HEAR MY MOANS OF LOSS!!!!" **Roy cried and began to swallow his own tears.

**Narrator 2: Oh dear...**

**Narrator 1: Aw man! I never told Link to get _those _presents!!! He was supposed to get the ones on the list I gave him!!**

**(somewhere in the distance we see Piggy smirking evily and swallowing the list)**

**Piggy: Mwahahahahahahaha!!! I stole it from Link and now I'm eating it!!! That way your fanfic will be ruined!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHA-**

_Chop_

**Narrator 2: YOU...YOU...**

"Ohhhh, you did it know, Piggy!" Link called out to Piggy, who still had some life in him.

**Narrator 2: YOU...YOU...**

"The narrator is really pissed now!" Marth joined in.

**Narrator 2: YOU WERE TRYING TO RUIN OUR FANFIC????? **

Everyone in the mansion who were awake by now because of Roy: GASP

You: GASP

Marth and Link: GASP

Your dog: GASP woof

Your pizza: ...(pizza's can't gasp, silly!)

**Narrator 2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!**

During the next 2 minutes, it was like Judgement Day came!! All the building were either demolished or on fire, the lakes and oceans and rivers turned black or red and were undrinkable, people were screaming as the sky darkened with terrible storm that flashed lightening and rumbled thunder!!! Plants all over withered up and died, and poor cows and bulls and horses and pigs were lying all over the place...dead!! Well not really, they were just sleeping.

**Narrator 1: Wow, I have never seen Narrator 2 this mad before...**

**Narrator 2: PREPARE TO PERISH, PIGGY!!!!!!!**

**Piggy: gulp**

_Chop times 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000._

**Narrator 1: Wow...**

**Narrator 2: (Panting heavily with piggy's blood soaked all over them)...Hmph**

**Piggy's Ghost: Owww...**

"Well, what are we gonna do now?" Marth asked in panic. If Roy didn't get a single christmas present by Christmas day, he knew that Roy would probably go brain damaged for life! He had to find a way to get him what he wanted! Then again...Roy being brain damaged does make him seem so much quieter...

"Sniffsniff," Roy sniffed blowing his nose and leaving the nice white tissue with icky gooey boogers, "Man, this christmas doesn't seem like any other christmas before! Because here I actually thought I would get at least _one_ present!" Trudging back into their room, Link and Marth could hear Roy crying and being a poop-head and stuff. After a minutes pause Link randomly stood up (even though he wasn't sitting down but anyways) and gave a Marth a brave stance and held up his sword. (In the backround you can hear Link's heroic theme song)

"Let's go get Roy his christmas present!" Link said all echoey and stuff. "For the sake of his feelings and for the sake of my life!" Marth looked at him in shock. Who knew that Link would actually want to go back to a store and get more presents.

"What about the rest of the competitors?" Marth asked. "How're we gonna get them presents?" For some reason Marth felt the need to get everyone christmas presents so everyone could bother their own things and not him.

"Come down to the christmas tree, I wanna show you something." Link said, and sprinted out of their room, beckoning Marth to follow him. Marth nodded and followed his companion down the stairs, through the Great Hall, down to the kitchen (Link was hungry), and finally they reached the big Super Smash Christmas Tree.

**Narrator 2: Dan dan da dan dan dan daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!**

**Narrator 1: Shut up!!!**

**Narrator 2: Geez...sorry, I was trying to make it more dignified.**

**Narrator 1: It's dignified enough!!!**

"Look over to the right Marth." Link ordered pointing to the left and was facing a wall.

"Er..Link that's your left." Marth corrected, smiling weakly at Link's stupidness of stupidest that is stupid.

"Oh! Right! Okay, look over there." Link said pointing to the right part of the christmas tree.

Marth gasped.

Lying there was a heap of christmas presents! Possibly the largest of the piles that were scattered around the christmas tree. Peering closer he looked to see who bought all of these presents, and it said:

**To: (whoever smash character that came up)**

**From: The Three Musketeers! (AKA Roy, Marth and Link)**

**Merry Christmas!!!**

"Oh man!" Marth said gloomly as he felt his stomach drop in guilt and stuff. He knew that Roy bought all these christmas gifts, and with his own money too! He bought every single person who was competing in the Super Smash melee presents!!! Heck, he could even see that Roy had bought a little bit more for Link and him! Smiling warmly he sat down and thought. Now he knew he needed to get something for Roy! But how? The stores were already destroyed by Narrator 2's madness!

"Yea, I know." Link said sitting down by Marth feeling just as guilty. What were they gonna do??

"Well, remember how the narrators said that the buildings were either demolished _or burning?_" Marth asked Link. Link nodded. _Wow, Link actually knows something for once..._ Marth quickly shook his head to clear the thought. Now was not the time to have mean thoughts about idiotic people...who wear skirts...

"Well, lets find a burning building quick and see if we can find that toy Roy wanted so bad that he painted it all over the mansion walls."

"Or we can go find Santa and ask him for some presents for Roy!" Marth was about to say that Santa wasn't real, but he held back.

"...Or that too," He simply said.

The two ran out to town and immediately began jumping through all the broken windows into burnt and burning shops ("AH! MY HAIR!" Marth squealed), searching madly for that fire-breathing toy Roy wanted so badly. After searching all the shops that were still standing, they met again in the town square, and slumped down wearily. They couldn't find it!!!

"Maybe we should look for Santa now!" Link suddenly piped up cheerfully.

"Link, Santa isn't-" Marth began but stopped as Link pointed his index finger at his face, his fingertip only scant centimeters away from his left eye.

"**DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT!!**" The dangerous rumbling growl erupted from Link's chest. Marth decided to keep silent, partly because he didn't want to get hurt, mostly because he didn't want his hair getting messed up in the process of getting hurt. A few minutes later, he piped up again.

"Say, where can we find Santa?"

"Well, Santa needs to get all the presents for all the good little girls and boys, so he will most likely stop here in this town square to park his reindeer and go shopping in all the stores. So let's wait here for him!" Link answered.

"Wait a second...What about all those little elves that are supposed to work for Santa in Santa's workshop? Aren't they the ones that make all the toys..." Marth's voice trailed off as Link glared at him dangerously.

"Do I look like I can make toys to you?" Link growled, and it just hit Marth that Link was an elf. "I sued Santa for making all those poor elves work overtime on little or no pay! It was more like slavery then happy workshop working! Ha! Santa's workshop!" Link then harrumphed and crossed his arms, looking at all the burnt shops.

"Hey, hey, hey! You-"

"HEY HEY HEY!!" Fat Albert suddenly jumps into the picture as he hears his line being said. He stood before the dumbfounded swordsmen. He frowned. "Hey!! Who was the cheep little cheapstake stealing my line??" The two simply stared. After a minute, Fat Albert began shifting his weight nervously under the blank stares of the two men.

"I...I think I'll leave now..." Fat Albert carefully backed out of the picture.

**Narrator 1 and 2: ...That was weird.**

"...Anyways, what's all this bad talk about Santa's workshop and you sueing him? I thought you loved the guy!"

"Now I do, since he let all the elves go and get proper jobs! I mean, how do you not love a guy who gives you free gifts on a certain day every year?" Marth saw that he had a point. They sat there for a long time. Marth's butt hurt a lot, then it began to get numb from the cold ground.

"Geese, when is Santa gonna get here?" Marth complained loudly.

"Oh! I'm so stupid!" Marth here snorts, but Links does not seem to notice. "Of course Santa doesn't come during the daytime! It would be too crowded for him to wait in all those long lines with all those presents. He must come later when everyone's asleep so that he can steal the presents or something!" Marth glanced at him. "...Well, it's got to be rather expensive for Santa to buy all those gifts, especially when he's not enslaving poor elves anymore."

"Sigh...Ok, I guess we better make ourselves comfortable while we wait for this fat dude."

_**10 hours later...**_

"Link, it's nearly midnight!!!" Marth bellowed at the snoring swordsman that was sleeping against the wall. Marth growled and started to shake him angrily side to side. But it was no use, Link was out cold, and Marth knew that Santa was not coming. Sighing he managed to drag Link up the streets, heartbroken that he couldn't get Roy his present! What was he going to tell Roy tomorrow morning? He could see it now: "Hey Roy, sorry we couldn't get you a gift for you! We were too busy waiting for a fat dude that doesn't even exist so we could ask him for a present for you!"

As Marth sadly walked up the streets, hoping to at least find something suitable for his swordsman copy, he stared blankly at the sky, wishing a miracle could happen right about now!

**HO HO HO!!!!**

"What the heck?!" Marth jerked his head around in the sky, searching for the voice that just called him a ho! He's a guy, not a girl! And how can they get the impression that he's a ho? He was wearing armor for crying out loud!

**HO HO HO!!!!**

**Narrator 2: Maybe we should rate this teen now**

**Narrator 1: Psh, whatever, kids know what a "ho" means**

**Narrator 2:...whatever**

Then suddenly, Marth felt a gust of wind knock him off his feet sending him flying to the ground, Link along with him. As Marth pushed the fat sueing elf off of him, he peered up and saw something he would never forget. SANTA CLAUS IN THE FLESH RIDING DOWN THE STREETS WITH HIS SLEIGH AND REINDEER!!! OMFG, IT WAS A MIRACLE!!!

Leaving Link behind, Marth dashed up the streets calling out to the fat dude dressed in red not bothering to listen to his cries.

"SANTA! WAIT!!!! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!" Marth yelled. "STOP!!!!!" Marth whipped out his sword, hoping to stick it into Santa's sleigh and get dragged along like that while he tried to get Santa's attention.

"Hm? Who's there?" Santa stopped his sleigh and turned around to see a girl waving a sword running towards him.

"I'M NOT A GIR-" Marth began to shout at the sky, and because he was looking up, he did not see the rock in the middle of the street. He tripped on it, his sword flying out of his hand...and impaled Santa through the chest!!!

_MARTH KILLED SANTA!!!_

**THE END**

**Narrator 1: Haha!! Just kidding! We will probably make a 4th part to it!**

**Narrator 2: OMG SANTA!! MARTH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? (tears off "I love Marth" bumper sticker off shirt)**

**Narrator 1:...Okay...REVIEW PLEASE!!!**

**Narrator 2: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????!!!!!!**

**Narrator 1:...Um...**


	12. Christmas Hell Part 4

The Three Stupid Musketeers

Chapter 12

Late Christmas Special of Hell

Part 4: Two Santas?? Who's the real one?

**Narrator 1: I still cannot believe Marth killed Santa Claus...**

**Narrator 2: -Is off screaming "why" someplace in the background-**

**Narrator 1: Psssst!! Narrator 2!!! You're on!!!...Oh dear-**

**Narrator 2: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!??**

**Narrator 1: Okay...you can stop now-**

**Narrator 2: WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!11oneone!??**

**Piggy: Jeez! Just shut up already!!!!**

**-DEATH GLARE-**

The screen turns black, and a white streak flashes across the screen. When the lights came on again, Piggy was all chopped up neatly and nicely on the ground.

_chop_

**Narrator 1: Okay on with Part four of our fanfic!**

**Narrator 2: WHYYYYYYY-- oh ok.**

_MARTH HAD JUST KILLED SANTA CLAUS!!!!_

**Narrator 2: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY--**

**Narrator 1: SHUT UP!!!**

"HOLY CRAP!!!! Santa Claus...?" Marth could not believe his eyes. Or ears. Or nose. Or feet for that matter. "What the crap-- leave my body parts alone!!!" He swats away the Narrators poking at his ears, nose and feet. "Anyway, HOLY CRAP, he's really real!! Oh my god!!!! Santa Claus is in front of me!!"

"MARTH, YOU KILLED SANTA!!!!!!!!" Marth jumped at Link's roar. He then noticed the sword sticking out of Santa and the blood slowy staining his nice red suit...which didn't matter because his suit was red.

"Uh-oh...uh...He's not dead!! He's just...sleepy (god I sounded like Roy right there)," Marth tried to calm Link down.

He failed miserably.

We now see Marth sprinting down the street with Link chasing him, waving his sword over his head.

"YOU KILLED SANTA CLAUS!!!! I MUST GIVE YOU A HUG!!!" Link shouted his arms wide open and you can see him grinning.

Marth stopped dead in his tracks. "What?! A hug?! I thought you wanted to kill me?! I am so confused..." He sat down miserably and rubbed his sore brain...although I don't think that's physically possible...

"I wanted to give you a hug...OF DEATH AND DOOM!!!!!!" Marth panicked and ran away again. "Nah, I'm just kidding."

_**Thump!!!!**_ Marth simply fell over.

"What is going on??" He moaned.

"What, don't you know?"

"What, I don't know!!!"

"All elves hate Santa, remember I told you?"

"No...why do all elves hate Santa? They are supposed to be his helpers!"

"WRONG" Link slapped him upside the head.

"Owie, my hair. Well, then tell me all about it."

"I already did!!!"

"Are you sure you told me? I remember that phase you went when you would hold long one-sided conversations with our toilet."

"Oh..." Link distinctly remembered telling SOMEONE about it...maybe he had Marth's picture taped to the toilet cover that time...

"Well, then tell me!"

They suddenly found themselves in a old-style cottage, with a nice fire going on and snowflakes blowing by the window. Link was dressed as an old granny and was sitting in a rocking chair, knitting something and Marth was dressed like a little girl--

**Narrator 1: Hold it!!!! Don't you mean 'and Marth was dressed like a little BOY?!**

**Narrator 2: Hm? Don't interrupt me!!! I am trying to make a cozy scene here-- OH CRAP right!**

"WHY AM I IN PIGTAILS?!!! WHAT'S GOING ON-oooooooooo DRESS!" Marth then started twirling around letting the dress flow up and down by his sides, giggling like a little girl.

**Narrator 1: ...**

**Narrator 2: He doesn't seem to mind...**

**Narrator 1: Well I don't like it!!! It's wrong and sick...and-and...and yet...**

**IT FITS HIM SO PERFECTLY!!!!**

**Narrator 2: Yea...WAIT WHAT AM I SAYING!?? MARTH, TAKE THAT OFF!!!!**

"NEVER!!!!!!!" Marth ran behind Link's rocking chair and cowered there.

**Narrator 2: TAKE IT OFF!!!!!!**

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!" Marth began running in circles around Link's rocking chair as the huge hand of Narrator 2 chased him, trying to get it off of him.

**Narrator 1: Or you could just do this!**

_poof_

Marth stopped runnning around as he noticed he could not see his flowing dress on him anymore. Instead he was wearing overalls and little boy shoes and socks. It has happened...

He became...a BOY.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! COULDN'T I AT LEAST KEPT THE PIGTAILS????"

**Narrator 2: NO!! ...But you can have this lollipop.**

"Yay!" Marth then sat down in front of Link, happy with his lollipop.

"Alright, now my dear, it's story time--"

"NO IT'S SLEEPY TIME!!!" Marth threw a piece of his lollipop at Link, which stuck to his wig.

"Dang it Marth!!" Link tried to remove it but ended up pulling his wig off in the process. Marth's eyes grew wide and he stopped in mid-lick.

"GRANNY'S AN UGLY PERSON!!!!!!! SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN WITH GIRLY HAIR!!!!" Marth screamed like a little boy, threw the rest of his lollipop at Link (which got stuck in his real hair) and ran in circles.

"Marth!!! It's me Link!!! Ow, dang it Marth!!!" Link tried to pull the rest of the lollipop from his hair but ended up hurting his poor head.

**Narrator 1: Uh...I think we switched Marth and Roy's scripts again...right when Marth said it was sleepy time and took the lollipop from you, Narrator 2 without question.**

**Narrator 2: Well...what about the whole girly/dress incident? You forgot about that.**

**Narrator 1: Nope. That was all Marth. Remember...there is a little boy in everybody.**

**Narrator 2: Except for Marth. He has a little girl.**

**Narrator 1: So wait...if we switched the scripts...what's Roy doing?!**

_Back at the mansion..._

"Roy, since you got so smart all of a sudden...how ugly am I?"

"Well, Zelda, you are so ugly, your ugliness intensity is equal to 105 units of ugly at a distance of 1 meter and the threshold of ugliness for the average human is 10.12 units ugliness m2."

"...I see..." _**SLAP!**_

"Owie...hey isn't it story time?...I wanna lollipop!"

**Narrator 1: Okay! Back on track!**

**Narrator 2: Great let's get Roy over here**

_The Narrators shouldn't have done that..._

_**boom! crash! slice! thump! thwack!**_

The moment Roy came in and saw Link with a lollipop in his hair and Marth struggling out of the little boy clothes, he went absolutely nuts.

"Hiya fellas, what are you doing with my lollipop and clothes?" Link and Marth looked up at him.

"Well, I went temporarily retarded for a moment, so...I don't remember." Marth replied looking at the clothes he was wearing and started to wonder how on earth he possibly fit in Roy's clothes...Roy was so SHORT...and he was way too TALL. Now that just doesn't mix well together.

"Okay then...**GIVE THEM BACK!!!!**" Roy pulled out his sword and attacked the two of them.

"Gah!!! Don't, Roy!! AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Link's wig promptly caught on fire, lollipop and all. He began to cry like an old lady. "I was just trying to tell a story, but NO!! Your scripts all have to be mixed up and you are always fighting and setting things on fire!!" He tried to run out of the room, going 'boo hoo hoo' as he did, but being used to short skirts and not really long ones, he tripped over his old granny skirt and slammed head first into the wall next to the door. He was instantly knocked out cold.

Oblivious to Link, Roy was still attacking Marth and Marth was dodging as best as he could in clothes many sizes too small. Straightening up to avoid an upward slash at his throat and chin, we hear an ominous RIIIIP! Marth and Roy froze, Marth's eyes wide open and Roy's mouth dropped open. 

"YOU RIPPED MY OVERALLS!!!!" Roy roared and pointed at the gigantic rip starting at Marth's right knee and going up the inside of his thigh, right in the middle of the crotch, and ends just under his belly button. His girly heart boxers were visible once again.

**Narrators 2: AUGH!!! MY EYES!!!!!!**

Narrator 1: (was laughing too hard to put anything here) 

Marth thought he was going to die from embarrassment.

"Wha-OH MY GOD MARTH!!!!YOUR OVERALLS...WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?! AND-...ARE THOSE PINK HEARTS ON YOUR BOXERS?!" Apparently Link had just woken up from all the chaotic screaming flying across the room.

"Link can't you see?!" Roy cried pointing at Marth's tiny ripped clothing, "those are MY overalls and Marth stole them from me!!!" Wimpering he turned to Marth who looked so embarrassed, he thought his careers with Super Smash Bros. and the Fire Emblem series were over. Roy glared and plopped down right on Link's rocking chair and started to pout...like some...emo...er...fish thingy...ya.  
**  
Narrator 2: Emo fish thingy? Where the heck did you get that from?!**

Narrator 1: ...I don't know...I had fish for dinner though...

Narrator 2: Well was it an emo fish?

Narrator 1: It was dead! How the hell should I know?!

Narrator 2: Anyways... 

"Roy! I can explain this!" Marth quickly said before Roy was going to drwon-er...drown them in his tears...literally. Roy looked up at Marth for his explaination explanation and Link just looked up at Marth to secretely secretly laugh at his pink heart boxers.

"Then tell me pinkish heart-wearing boxer sissy boy!" Roy spat. Marth was already preparing for Roy's teary waterfall.

"First of all Roy," Marth said angrily, "that was SO uncalled for! And secondly, the reason why I was dressed up in your stupid boy clothes was because the Narrators wouldn't lemme wear that dress I wanted to wear so badly!" Sighing, Marth pointed to the dress in the corner all dusty and lonely because nobody wanted to wear it. Yes, it's a very traumatic story. Suddenly Roy gasped.

"So you decided to steal my dress too?!" Roy yelled and drew out his sword once more.

"No I-hang on...YOUR dress? Why on earth would you have a dress for Roy?!" Marth asked...secretely secretly disappointed because he was planning on stealing the dress when all of this was over.

"DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN! THE PLOT THICKENS!!!" Link said all cool and stuff. Poor guy just wanted to be in the conversation.

Well he was quickly kicked out of it.

"Shut-up Link! You were the one that started this whole thing!" Marth roared and also drew out his sword. If he was going to die to wear the beloved dress...

THEN SO BE IT! 

"Wait! Hold on a sec! Me? Why are you blaming this on me?!" Link asked innocently...probably because he didn't even know in the first place.

"WE ARE BLAMING YOU, LINK, FOR THIS MESS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW!!!" Roy screamed pointing the sword at Marth and then started to poke him with it.

"Yes because we don't-WHA?...OW! STOPPIT ROY! THESE ARE YOUR CLOTHES YA KNOW!"

**Narrator 1: Hey wait...that's a good question...why are we doing this again? **

Narrator 2: Hmmm...Oh yea! Link wanted to tell us a story. 

"That's right!! But I can't tell a story if you two are going to argue over some overalls and a dress!!" Link huffed and pouted in a corner.

Narrator 2: -Sigh- I'll put an end to this. 

_poof   
_  
The three swordsmen found themselves outside in the cold again in the village square, wearing their normal clothes. There was no dress nor pair of overalls to be seen.

"ALRIGHT!! SIT DOWN AND LET ME FINISH MY STORY!!!" Link yelled at Marth and Roy, and they both quickly sat down on the village square's fountain. Link stood in front of them.

"Alright, here is why all elves hate Santa Claus. Listen carefully now," Link started.

_Many, many years ago...(seven years to be exact)_

Link was just a cute, plump little boy back then, full of mischief and hungry for adventure. Snow was blanketing the land of Hyrule, and that famous (or infamous) holiday was drawing near: Christmas was just around the corner. Link had heard of the legend of Santa Claus from princess Zelda, and was very, very excited for the day the mysterious fat man would come in his sleigh pulled by flying reindeer and huge sack of toys and such and give gifts to everyone. However, he was feeling rather anxious, for Zelda told him he put the gifts under the Christmas tree, and Link had no such thing. He was awed by the sight of Zelda's Christmas trees, a beautiful healthy spruce, adorned with candles and great big golden and red ornaments and crystal trinkets, and wreathed with great long silk ribbons of gold and red. We find him now trecking through the snow, looking for his own Christmas tree to decorate and set up for Santa Claus.

He settled for a young sweet-smelling pine tree, and using his small Kokiri sword, he hacked gamely away at it until he felled it. Tying it to Epona, who was a small colt back then, he led Epona back to his tree house in the Kokiri forest, where he set it up in his room and draped with some ribbons and hung pine cones and snowballs (with some difficulty) made all nice and shiny with fairy dust from his personal fairy Navi. When the other children in the forest saw his tree, they buried him in snowballs.

"Mmmmmmf!! Mmmmf muffle moof!!? (Translation: Hey!! What was that for!!?)" Link cried out from under the snow.

"What are you trying to do?? Ruin all our lives?? Why are you trying to attract that red suit-wearing fat devil here??" One of the kids cried out. Link managed to free his face from the snow.

"What are you talking about?? He brings gifts and joy and happiness to all!" Link was so confused. Why did the others hate him?

The kid was about to reply, but another one, a real bully, interrupted.

"Ah, let him keep his stupid tree. He'll find out what we are talking about the hard way!" The others around him gasped.

"But nobody ever comes back home!!" They cried. The bully looked down at Link. He knew Link was not a Kokiri child, and he despised him for that. He wanted to get rid of Link anyway he could, and this was his opportunity.

"Link has been outside the forest before. He has shared many fascinating stories (all of them I don't believe) with us from the outside world. If he can handle all that he's said he's been through, then this should be no problem for him!" 

Naturally, Link took this as a challenge, and, despite all the ominous warnings and pleadings from what few friends he had, he kept the tree. However, he couldn't help but feel a little jumpy on the night before Christmas. He felt even more nervous when he found Navi had left him. He could hardly sleep, but he did eventually fall asleep. 

Snoooooooooorrree... 

SMACK!!

"Owie!!" Roy yelped as Link whacked him with the flat part of Sheela's blade.

"Wake up!! How rude!! Falling asleep when I am sharing a story!!!"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry!! I'll try not to do it again!"

Link harrumphed, Marth snickered quietly at Roy, and Roy rubbed his stinging shoulder as Link began to pace again and returned to his story.

_Link was wakened abruptly by something big and squishy smushing him against the wall and a horrible smell in the room. He waved his arms, trying to get away, but whatever the squishy thing was enveloped him in its smelly squishiness._

"MMMMMM-EP MMMMMMM-EEEI!!" Link tried to call for help. He could hear muted grumbling and cursing through the wall of squishy stuff.

"Bloody hell, why do all the elf dwellings have to be so small?? It's bad enough the king's guards nearly got me with their clever trap, now I'm stuck in this damn tree house! Imagine, setting up lights for Santa to come along and throwing spears at him when he arrives!" The squishy stuff was practically smearing Link over the wall as the thing moved around, trying to maneuver in the tiny room.

Link was suffocating in this smelly squishy prison. He groped around for his sword that he kept near his bed, found it, and managed to thrust it into the soft stuff.

"YEOOOOOWWW!!!!" The tree house pretty much disintegrated under the squishy's weight when it jumped with pain. Link found himself sprawled amid the ruins of his house with something very very VERY big and squishy looming over him. It turned and glared at him...or at least he thought it was glaring at him, as all he could see of the thing's face was bushy white hair. 

"Damned hair, I really should get a haircut," The thing grumbled as it pushed the hair aside. It spotted Link. Just then, Link realized what the thing was.

IT WAS SANTA CLAUS!! 

Link didn't jump up right away, though. This was not what Link expected Santa to look like. He didn't have much more time to think, though. A large, creepy grin split Santa's face.

"Hello there, little elf."

Thonk! Link was knocked out.

When he woke up again, he found himself in a little cell crowded with elves. It turned out that Santa actually ENSLAVED elves to make his toys for him. Santa was nothing but a huge, fat, smelly, cookie-stealing, elf-slaver!

However, Link managed to get out in the first 5 minutes of captivity and escape on a flying reindeer. Santa Claus had accidentally left the cell door open. And the door to the reindeer open too. Heck, he left a lot of doors open. The elves in that cell escaped with Link, and Link returned home safely. 

"Wait a second! how do you know Santa acutally enslaved them if you were there for only 5 minutes and didn't do any work there!?" Roy shouted, outraged. Link was making his fat and jolly hero sound way too fat and way too un-jolly!!

"Roy, there was a huge sign over the door that said, 'Enslaved Elves Go Here'!!" Link shouted back.

"I dunno, even if the story was well narrated, it sounded like a load of crap," Marth said, his chin propped on his hand.

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, LINK!! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU!!!" Roy ran around and around the fountain crying.

"Go and look at the Santa you killed then!! I'll bet you he's really fat and smelly and evil looking!!" Link roared at them.

Several minutes later they were looking at the body...

"I dunno, Link, he doesn't look super fat or smelly or evil to me."

"Yea, you big fat liar! He looks jolly and nice! ...Or at least he did look like it..." 

It was true; the dead Santa looked like the regular happy Santa, no super fat smelly creep.

Outraged Link threw his sword down and started to run around in circles crying like a big baby.

"WE KILLED SANTA!!!!! AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Link cried continuing to run around Marth and Roy. Twitching Marth seized Link by the scruff of his neck and threw him outta the way.

"Look, all we have to do is bring Santa back to life right?" Marth asked reasonably. Roy nodded in agreement and turned to Link who stopped crying.

"But how do we do that?" Link asked.

"Hmmmm..." Marth thought...and thought...and thought some more until he thought of a brilliant idea.

"WE NEED A-"

_**-MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG STARTS PLAYING-**_

_**DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN!**_

Roy gasped as he saw what looked like a fat secret agent rolling like a complete moron on the ground right next to Marth with sunglasses and the whole attire...that looked way too small for him. Marth quirked an eyebrow as the agent started to huff and ouff like a freakin' fatty that only had rolled (not even ran) about 3 feet. The fat dude/agent guy looked up at Marth.

"This sounds like a mission for a secret agent!!" He said, flashing a secret agent I.D. thing at Marth.

"A secret agent!! Where??" Link looked around and around; he apparently didn't notice the fat dude rolling up next to Marth. Marth sighed and decided to leave Link looking for the guy.

"Umm...why?" Marth asked him, quite annoyed that this stupid loser thought he was a secret agent when all he was attempting to dodge roll towards them in the beginning even when there was no absolute threat (unless he saw Roy) and he was failing miserably at the dodge roll itself.

"You needed something that only _I_ can give you to save your poor fat white-bearded boyfriend." The agent replied smirking at Marth who just looked at him with his mouth wide open.

"WHA-?! HE'S SANTA CLAUS YOU MORON!!! AND EVEN IF HE WASN'T, I WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER A GUY LIKE THAT FOR A BOYFRIEND!!" Marth screamed at the agent. Roy suddenly tapped Marth on the shoulder.

"Do I qualify?" Roy asked looking down at his boots. Marth sighed and shoved Roy out of his way and just shook his head. He really didn't need this...he really didn't.

"Roy, do you even know what we're talking about?"

"Plushie toys right?" Roy asked stupidly. Marth shook his head leaving Roy to happily leave the conversation he didn't even get. Marth looked back at the agent and smirked.

"So you have what I was about to say we needed?"

"Yes." The agent answered all cool and stuff even though he was too fat to be cool.

"So you have a phoenix down?" Marth asked the agent. Dumbfounded the agent looked at Marth and already looked confused.

"What the hell is a phoenix down?" The agent asked. Grunting Marth kicked the agent dude who only went rolled away one inch.

"Leave." Marth snapped. "You don't have what I need so you can just get the fu-

"BUT I DO!" A voice said out of nowhere. Spinning around, Marth, Link, and Roy saw a blond haired dude running toward them with a gigantic sword.

"Who the hell are you?" Link asked, as Marth was too busy gawking at the dude's hair. It was gravity-defying, the way it stood up and all.

_I must learn how he does that! What kind of hairspray does he use? It looks so natural!_

"I am Cloud Strife, from Final Fantasy Seven."

"OMG, A NON-NINTENDO CHARACTER!!!" Roy drew his sword and charged at Cloud. Cloud looked at him, bored, and with a few, swift expert moves, Roy was on the ground under his boot with his sword clattering some meters away. Roy began kicking and screaming like a little 3-year-old throwing a tantrum. Cloud ignored him.

"Here, this is what you need, isn't it?" Cloud drew out a glowing, red and gold feather from out of nowhere. I mean, you know those kind of games where the characters seems to have invisible pockets that can carry about anything. Like Link! He's got bombs and a boomerang and a hookshot and a ocarina and a buttload of other crap somewhere in his tunic. Cloud tossed it at Marth, and it fluttered to him...only to fall to the ground, because Marth was STILL too busy gawking at Cloud's hair to catch it. Cloud quirked an eyebrow at him, but didn't say anything, and turned to leave.

_How does he do that with his hair?? _Marth couldn't stop staring. Like a crazy fangirl completely obsessed, he began chasing Cloud, who began walking faster, then running, then sprinting, trying to get away from this crazy guy.

"WAIT!! HOW DO YOU DO THAT WITH YOUR HAIR???" Marth cried after him.

"It's natural!!" Cloud shouted back.

"Maybe he's born with it," Link said, awed.

"Maybe it's Maybeline!" Roy sang, and Link threw his sword at him.

"I must go now!!" Cloud said, frantically starting his motorcycle as Marth closed in on him.

"WAIT!! I WANT YOUR GRAVITY-DEFYING HAIR!!!" Marth lunged for him. Vroom!! Cloud gunned his motorcycle and sped away. Marth fell splat on the pavement.

"WAAAAIT!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Marth yelled, sad now that he will never get gravity-defying hair now.

"Well, at least we got a phoenix down...whatever the heck that is." Link said picking up the glowing feather from the ground due to Marth's entranced self. Roy gleefully tried to take it from Link to get a good look at it but Link merely threw his shield at Roy, knocking the poor lad down.

"What's it supposed to do?" Roy whined rubbing his sore head.

"It brings people back to life." The agent answered still rolling on the ground like a fatty mcfatty. Link looked at the agent suspiciously and glared at him.

"How do you know that?" Link asked eager to hear the agent's pathetic excuse. The agent faltered and rolled away.

"HE KNOWS TO MUCH!!!!" The agent cried. Turning to Marth, Link and Roy. "Seeya later fellas!" And with that he grabbed a small tiny ball from his jacket and threw a cool on the ground. A poof of smoke rose from the ball concealing the fat agent so he could get (or roll) away.

There was only one problem...

"Er...why is there smoke covering you head?" Marth asked. Apparently the agent was so fat the smoke could only make his head disappeared.

"Ah crap...not again." The agent moaned. "I asked the agency to supersize it for me!" Cursing under his breath, he started to roll away when a small ounce of smoke crept up his nose irritating the poor guy. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" He sneezed so bad and so powerfully it knocked him back sending him rolling down the street. The mission impossible theme song followed him, fading into the distance.

"...Well that was weird," Link remarked. "ANYWAY, back to reviving Santa Claus!" He turned to Santa, then looked at the feather, then Santa again. "Uhhhhh...how does this work? Am I supposed to stick it somewhere?" He frowned.

"I know!!" Roy ran up and stole the feather from Link, and ignoring his cry of 'Hey!!', he ran up to Santa and shoved it up his nose. Santa began to glow and stuff, and Roy backed away.

"Uhhh...I think I did something wrong," Roy said shakily as Santa glowed brighter and brighter. It was blinding!!

"You idiot!!" Link managed to yell before the light suddenly exploded outward and swallowed them.

_Several hours later..._

Link and the others woke up to find themselves in a nice cottage wrapped up in blankets and stuff with some hot chocolate next to them. Santa Claus was bending over the fire, stoking it nice and hot.

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Link screamed.

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Santa Claus screamed back...

_And then there was this whole big screaming fest._

**Narrator 1: Okay...I think we're done for this chapter...damn, we didn't get everything in this one...**

**Narrator 2: I know, you all must be irritated right now, eh? But, it's a Christmas special (even though it's like summer now), and special stuff like that must be finished! Even if it must have some 20-thousand parts to it.**

**Narrator 1: All well! Well review please and we'll try to get the 5th chapter of this finished soon!!!**


End file.
